Reel Movie Reviews: Vampires Suck

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Unless you're such a hardcore Twilight fan that you love to see your favorite franchise get utterly skewered in the dopiest of ways and can laugh at yourself for being so reactionary about it all, a 10 year old addicted to Cracked magazine, or both, you have no reason to see Vampires Suck. From the people who brought us the tragically unfunny Epic Movie and the epic failings of Meet the Spartans, Vampires Suck represents a bit of a step forward for its creators, albeit a minor one.

Vamp Dance

Where does that step forward come in? Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg's parody movie series follows a rather simple outline- pick a genre that's currently on a hot streak, cast cheap actors who slightly resemble their big-budget counterparts, throw in a bunch of sight gags, bathroom humor, and anything that gets a laugh, target whoever has made TMZ's headlines that month and sprinkle in a few pseudo-names to make it all legit and presto, you've got a parody! The giant leap forward that Vampires Suck has over, say Meet the Spartans is that it's at least more focused, plot-wise, on lampooning one film series instead of ten.

Becca Drives Jacob Nuts

Besides actually humorous moments involving Diedrich Bader, Ken Jeong and Dave Foley, there's not much here to see, unless, like I mentioned earlier, you're a dedicated Twi-hard with a self-deprecating sense of humor. I, on the other hand, already find the Twilight Saga to be funny enough on its own; there's no real need to make it even more juvenile and tacky. The young cast is pretty adept with the comedic timing, although there's not much in the way of actual funny. The best Vampires can seem to muster is a dance sequence involving werewolves, cut-off denim shorts and the song "It's Rainin Men", as well as some Segway jokes that are so 2008.

Ken Jeong Sucks!

Oh, at least it's short. Vampires Suck comes in at a whopping 80 minutes. Even that's too long. If you're in the mood to see Edward, Bella and Jacob get roasted, skip it and download the Twilight episode of Rifftracks instead.

Review

Editor Rating: 1.0 / 5.0
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User Rating:

Rating: 3.8 / 5.0 (6 Votes)
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Vampires Suck Quotes

Becca Crane: Jacob, run!
[Jacob jumps above Becca and lands in his chihuahua form. Becca disbelievingly]
Becca Crane: A chihuahua?

Becca Crane: Jacob, why did you just take off your shirt?
Jacob: [Holds up employment contract] My contract says I have to every ten minutes of screen time.

Vampires Suck Review

Unless you're such a hardcore Twilight fan that you love to see your favorite franchise get utterly skewered in the dopiest of ways and...

Read Review Editor Rating
  • 1.0 / 5.0
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
User Rating

Rating: 3.8 / 5.0 (6 Votes)