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Ron Burgundy: We've got a job in New York City.
Brian Fantana: Hey Ron, who's driving?
Ron Burgundy: It's okay. It’s on cruise control.
Champ Kind: Why do you have this bag of bowling balls and this terrarium filled with scorpions?
Ron Burgundy: It's a crazy story.
Brian Fantana: Cruise control just regulates speed. It doesn't steer.
Brick Tamland: He says we're all gonna die!
Ron Burgundy: That is going to make one hell of a story.
- Permalink: That is going to make one hell of a story.
Ron Burgundy: Brick, can you hear me?
Brick Tamland: I can't hear you.
Ron Burgundy: You're answering so I think you can hear me.
Brick Tamland: No, I can't.
- Permalink: No, I can't.
Brick Tamland: Let's take a look at the big map. Where’s the map?
Ron Burgundy: Take a look at the monitor.
Brick Tamland: Oh god, Ron, where's my legs? I don't have any legs, Ron. Ahhh! In 93, 93…
Champ Kind: That's Jack Kind. Look at him. He's a prince.
Ron Burgundy: He's not that great.
Jack Lime: What'd you say?
Brick Tamland: [yelling] He said you're not that great!
Ron Burgundy: Brick!
- Permalink: Brick!
I can always guess how many jelly beans are in a jelly bean jar, even if I’m wrong.
Ed Harken: We all loved Brick.
Ron Burgundy: Sweet Brick
Ed Harken: I'm told the next speaker was very close to him.
Brick Tamland: Why?! Why did you take him from us?!
Ron Burgundy: Brick, you're not dead.
Brick Tamland: I'm alive?
Ron, Champ and Brian: Yes
Brick Tamland: I'm alive!
- Permalink: I'm alive!
Ron Burgundy: You're not black or Asian.
GNN Reporter: I'm gay.
Champ Kind: Do you sleep in a coffin?
GNN Reporter: No, that’s vampires.
Brian Fantana: Are you allowed to be out in the sun?
GNN Reporter: Those are also vampires.
Brick Tamland: Are you a vampire?
- Permalink: Are you a vampire?
Brick Tamland: Your hair looks like wet popcorn.
Chani: I like the parts of your face that are covered with skin.
- Permalink: I like the parts of your face that are covered with skin.
Ron Burgundy: Um, Brick, before I let you go, are you still having your celebrity golf tournament?
Brick Tamland: Um, no, no. Too many people died last year, so we're not gonna.
- Permalink: Um, Brick, before I let you go, are you still having your celeb...
I ate fiberglass insulation. It wasn't cotton candy like the guy said... my tummy itches.
- Permalink: I ate fiberglass insulation. It wasn't cotton candy like the gu...
Brick Tamland: [opposing women in the newsroom] I read somewhere their periods attract bears. Bears can smell the menstruation.
Brian Fantana: Well, that's just great. You hear that, Ed? Bears. Now you're putting the whole station in jeopardy.
- Permalink: I read somewhere their periods attract bears. Bears can smell ...
I'm Brick Tamland. People seem to like me because I am polite and I am rarely late. I like to eat ice cream and I really enjoy a nice pair of slacks. Years later, a doctor will tell me that I have an I.Q. of 48 and am what some people call mentally retarded.
- Permalink: I'm Brick Tamland. People seem to like me because I am polite a...