Oh great. Isn't this magical?

It did sound a little wet, there didn't it? Right at the end! Oooh! Heh heh heh. Let's have a smell, all right? Oh, everyone likes their own brand, don't they? Oh, this is magic! Hmmm, wafting, wafting. Ok, analysis. Ooh, smells like carrots in throw-up! Oh that could gag a maggot! I smell like hot sick... ass in a dead carcass! Even stink would say that stinks! You know when you go into an apartment building and you smell the other people's cooking on each floor and you go "What are they cookin'?" That, plus crap!

Do ya have ta call me fat? I tried going on a diet you know. The Zone, ya know, "Carbs are the enemy," eh?

You know what my favorite Helen Hunt movie is?
[twists his opponent's balls] TWISTER!

Unfortunately, my neck does look like a vagina.

[to Felicity Shagwell] Would you like to have another go? 'Cause once you've had fat, you never go back.

[about Mini-me] Jesus Christ, he's tiny! I've had bigger chunks of corn in my crap.

Fat Bastard: First things first: WHERE'S YOUR SHITTER? I've got a turtle-head poking out.
Dr. Evil: Charming.
Fat Bastard: I'm not kiddin'. I've got a crap on deck that could choke a donkey. Aww, it's SQUIDGY. Christ, I'm gettin' all emotional from it, ya know?

[to Mini Me] I'm bigger than you and higher up the food chain. Get in my belly.

I want my baby back baby back baby back baby back baby back baby back ribs. *Chili's* Baby back ribs.

I can't stop eating. I eat because I'm unhappy, and I'm unhappy because I eat. It's a vicious cycle. Now, if you'll excuse me, there's someone I'd like to get in touch with and forgive... myself.

[to Felicity] Of course I'm not happy. Look at me, I'm a big fat slob. I've got bigger titties than you do. I've got more chins than a Chinese phonebook. I've not seen my willie in two years, which is long enough to declare it legally dead.

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