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I told those fudge packers that I liked Michael Bolton's music.
- Permalink: I told those fudge packers that I liked Michael Bolton's music....
Michael Bolton: I don't know what happened, I must have missed a decimal point or something...
Peter Gibbons: Well, corporate accounts is sure as hell gonna notice $305,326.13 Michael!
- Permalink: I don't know what happened, I must have missed a decimal point ...
Michael Bolton: You think the pet rock was a really great idea?
Tom Smykowski: Sure it was. The guy made a million dollars.
- Permalink: You think the pet rock was a really great idea? Sure it was. ...
Michael Bolton: You haven't even been showing up for work, and you got to keep your job.
Peter Gibbons: Actually I'm being promoted.
- Permalink: You haven't even been showing up for work, and you got to keep ...
Michael Bolton: You were supposed to come in Saturday. What were you doing?
Peter Gibbons: Michael, I did nothing. I did absolutely nothing, and it was everything I thought it could be.
- Permalink: You were supposed to come in Saturday. What were you doing? M...
Michael Bolton: No, no. If we get caught, we're not going to white-collar resort prison. No, no, no. We're going to federal POUND ME IN THE ASS prison.
Samir: I don't want to go to ANY prison!
- Permalink: No, no. If we get caught, we're not going to white-collar resor...
Samir: No one in this country can ever pronounce my name right. It's not that hard. Na-gheen-an-a-jar. Nagheenanajar.
Michael Bolton: Yeah, well at least your name isn't Michael Bolton.
Samir: You know there's nothing wrong with that name.
Michael Bolton: There was nothing wrong with it... until I was about 12 years old and that no-talent ass clown became famous and started winning Grammys.
Samir: Hmm... well, why don't you just go by Mike... instead of Michael?
Michael Bolton: No way. Why should I change? He's the one who sucks.
- Permalink: No one in this country can ever pronounce my name right. It's n...
Tom Smykowski: It's a "Jump to Conclusions" mat! You see, you have this mat, with different CONCLUSIONS written on it that you could JUMP TO!
Michael Bolton: That's the worst idea I've ever heard in my life, Tom.
Samir: Yes, this is horrible, this idea.
- Permalink: It's a Jump to Conclusions mat! You see, you have this mat, wit...
Peter Gibbons: Before we go any further, all right, we have to swear to God, Allah, that nobody knows about this, all right? No family members, no girlfriends, nobody.
Samir: Of course.
Michael Bolton: Agreed.
Lawrence: [through the wall] Don't worry man. I won't tell anyone either!
Michael Bolton: Who the fuck is that?
Peter Gibbons: Oh, don't worry about him. He's cool.
- Permalink: Before we go any further, all right, we have to swear to God, A...
Peter Gibbons: What if we're still doin' this when we're 50?
Samir: It would be nice to have that kind of job security.
Peter Gibbons: Lumbergh's gonna have me work on Saturday. I can tell already. I'm gonna end up doin' it, because, uh... because I'm a big pussy... which is why I work at Initech to begin with.
Michael Bolton: Uh, yeah, well, I work at Initech and I don't consider myself a pussy, OK?
Samir: Yes, I am also not a pussy.
- Permalink: What if we're still doin' this when we're 50? It would be nic...
Samir: You know what I would do if I had a million dollars? I would invest half of it in glorious mutual funds and take the other half over to my friend Asadulah who works in securities and-
Michael Bolton: Samir, you're missing the point. The point is you're supposed to work out what you
[printer starts beeping]
Michael Bolton: "PC Load Letter" !? What the fuck does that mean?
- Permalink: You know what I would do if I had a million dollars? I would in...
Peter Gibbons: Our high school guidance counselor used to ask us what you'd do if you had a million dollars and you didn't have to work. And invariably what you'd say was supposed to be your career. So, if you wanted to fix old cars you're supposed to be an auto mechanic.
Samir: So what did you say?
Peter Gibbons: I never had an answer. I guess that's why I'm working at Initech.
Michael Bolton: No, you're working at Initech because that question is bullshit to begin with. If everyone listened to her, there'd be no janitors, because no one would clean shit up if they had a million dollars.
- Permalink: Our high school guidance counselor used to ask us what you'd do...