Patches O'Houlihan Quotes

Patches O'Houlihan: Son, you're about as useful as a poopy-flavored lollipop.
 • Rating: Unrated

Patches O'Houlihan: Those men and that muff-diver believe in you.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Patches O'Houlihan: My sweet d**k, it's magic!
 • Rating: Unrated

Patches O'Houlihan: If you're going to become true dodgeballers, then you've got to learn the five d's of dodgeball: dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge!
 • Rating: Unrated

Patches O'Houlihan: [giving the pre-match pep talk] And will someone catch a goddamn ball? It's like watching a bunch of retards trying to hump a doorknob out there!
 • Rating: Unrated

Patches O'Houlihan: Come on! I get better runs in my shorts!
 • Rating: Unrated

Peter La Fleur: [after Patches hits Justin in the face with a wrench] Yeah, uh, Patches... are you sure that this is completely necessary?
Patches O'Houlihan: Necessary? Is it necessary for me to drink my own urine?
Peter La Fleur: Probably not.
Patches O'Houlihan: No, but I do it anyway because it's sterile and I like the taste.
Peter La Fleur: ...Okay.
 • Rating: Unrated

Patches O'Houlihan: I ain't crazy and I ain't a guy.
 • Rating: Unrated

Patches O'Houlihan: If you can dodge traffic, you can dodge a ball.
 • Rating: Unrated

Patches O'Houlihan: If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball.
Justin: What?
 • Rating: Unrated