Phil: Chow! What are you doing here?
Alan: He's my plus one
Chow: We had a sick night bitches

[last lines]
Doug Billings: We look at these pictures together, ok? One time. And then we delete the evidence.
Stu Price: I say we delete it right now.
Phil Wenneck: Are you nut? I want to find out how I went to the hospital. Is that in there?
Alan Garner: Yeah it's in there!
Doug Billings: Guys, one time. Deal?
Phil Wenneck: Deal!
Stu Price: Deal.
Alan Garner: Ok.
Stu Price: [the four of them look into the camera] Oh dear Lord!
Alan Garner: That's classic!

I have a weakness for prostitutes apparently, all kinds.

Stu

Stu Price: So, uh, are you sure you're qualified to be taking care of that baby?
Alan Garner: What are you talking about? I've found a baby before.
Stu Price: You found a baby before? Where?
Alan Garner: Coffee Bean.

"I have a demon in me."

Stu

Its funny because he's fat!

Mr. Chow

I wish monkeys could skype.

Alan

Phil: "It happened again."
Tracy: "Seriously, what is wrong with you three?"

Stu: I'm part of some weird wolf pack.
Alan: Hey, it's not weird. It's really quite cool, there's no membership fee.

Sid Garner: Don't let Alan drive, because there's something wrong with him.
Doug Billings: Understood.
Sid Garner: Oh, and Phil either. I don't like him.

I was gonna have you sing 'Burn it Up' by the Jonas Brothers, but then I remembered you don't like Indie music.

Alan

Phil: "Stu Come on, Get up. We got a situation"
Stu: "Where are we"
Phil: "You're gonna freak out, but its gonna be ok."
[Stu checks mirror and screams]
"This is a real tattoo!"
Stu: "Alan what did you do? Did you roofie me?
Alan: I didn't do anything

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