Tigers love pepper... they hate cinnamon.

Alan Garner

Melissa: I just wish your friends were as mature as you.
Stu Price: They are mature, actually. You just have to get to know them better.
Phil Wenneck: [yelling from outside] Paging Dr. Faggot. Dr. Faggot!
Stu Price: I should go.
Melissa: That's a good idea, Dr. Faggot.

I wish monkeys could skype.

Alan

"I have a demon in me."

Stu

I have a weakness for prostitutes apparently, all kinds.

Stu

Alan Garner: Hey Phil, look!
[laughs hysterically while miming the baby masturbating]
Alan Garner: He's jackin' his little weenus!
Phil Wenneck: Pull yourself together, bro!
Alan Garner: Not at the table, Carlos!

Phil: You're not my friend!
Alan: Don't say that Phil, are you serious? Even in America!?
Stu: You're the bearded devil!

Phil: "Stu Come on, Get up. We got a situation"
Stu: "Where are we"
Phil: "You're gonna freak out, but its gonna be ok."
[Stu checks mirror and screams]
"This is a real tattoo!"
Stu: "Alan what did you do? Did you roofie me?
Alan: I didn't do anything

Stu Price: So, uh, are you sure you're qualified to be taking care of that baby?
Alan Garner: What are you talking about? I've found a baby before.
Stu Price: You found a baby before? Where?
Alan Garner: Coffee Bean.

Doc, none of us could remember anything from last night. Remember?

Alan Garner

You wanna fuck on me?

Mr. Chow

Stu Price: Ew! Alan, did you just eat sofa pizza?
Alan Garner: Yes.

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