Caddyshack Quotes

Al Czervik: I almost got head from Amelia Earhart!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Judge Smails: You know, you should play with Dr. Beeper and myself. I mean, he's been club champion for three years running and I'm no slouch myself.
Ty Webb: Don't sell yourself short Judge, you're a tremendous slouch.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Al Czervik: Hey everybody, we're all gonna get laid.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Carl Spackler: He's on his final hole. He's about 455 yards away, he's gonna hit about a 2 iron I think.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Al Czervik: Oh, this is the worst-looking hat I ever saw. What, when you buy a hat like this I bet you get a free bowl of soup, huh? [Sees judge Smalls in the same hat] Oh, it looks good on you though.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Al Czervik: Oh, this your wife, huh? A lovely lady. Hey baby, you must've been something before electricity.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Al Czervik: You're a lot of woman, you know that? Yeah, wanna make 14 dollars the hard way?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Judge Smails: Oh Porterhouse, look at the wax build up on these shoes I want that wax stripped off there, then I want them creamed and buffed with a fine chamois, and I want them now. Chop chop.
Smoke Porterhouse: Yes judge, right away judge.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Judge Smails: It's easy to grin / When your ship comes in / And you've got the stock market beat. / But the man worthwhile, / Is the man who can smile, / When his shorts are too tight in the seat.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Carl Spackler: So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald... striking. So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one - big hitter, the Lama - long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga... gunga, gunga-galunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know." And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." So I got that goin' for me, which is nice.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0