Judge Smails: [to Bishop Fred Pickering] Say, Fred, did you hear the one about the Jew, the Catholic, and the Colored Boy who went to heaven?
Bishop: Yeah, Judge, that's a doozy.
- Permalink: Say, Fred, did you hear the one about the Jew, the Catholic, a...
Don't you people have jobs?Judge Smails
- Permalink: Don't you people have jobs?
Judge Smails: I demand satisfaction.
Al Czervik: Yeah, well I'll tell you what's satisfying: *cash*. I'll shoot you 18 holes for ten thousand bucks.
Judge Smails: I could beat you with one good arm.
Al Czervik: Well, how about teams, then. I'll take Ty here, and you can have Dr. Frankenputz.
Dr. Beeper: I beg your pardon.
Ty Webb: Judge, Al, I don't play golf... for money... against people.
- Permalink: I demand satisfaction. *cash*. I'll shoot you 18 holes for te...
Ty Webb: Let me just clean this up here...
[lifts up bow and arrow]
Ty Webb: Getting ready for the season.
Lacey Underall: Duck?
Ty Webb: No... dolphin.
- Permalink: Let me just clean this up here... Getting ready for the sea...
Lacey Underall: Who's you decorator? Bennihana?
Ty Webb: No, I brought most of that stuff back with me from Vietnam.
Lacey Underall: You were in the war?
Ty Webb: [limps and pats his butt] No... Homo.
- Permalink: Who's you decorator? Bennihana? No, I brought most of that st...
Lacey Underall: I bet you've got a lot of nice ties.
Ty Webb: How do you mean?
Lacey Underall: Would you like to tie me up with some of your ties, Ty?
- Permalink: I bet you've got a lot of nice ties. How do you mean? Would...
Al Czervik: What're we, waiting for these guys? Hey Whitey, where's your hat?
Judge Smails: Do you mind, sir. I'm trying to tee off.
Al Czervik: I'll bet you a hundred bucks you slice it into the woods.
Judge Smails: Gambling is illegal at Bushwood sir, and I never slice.
[slices ball into woods]
Judge Smails: *Damn*.
Al Czervik: OK, you can owe me.
Judge Smails: I owe you nothing.
- Permalink: What're we, waiting for these guys? Hey Whitey, where's your ha...
[farts] Hey, did somebody step on a duck?Al Czervik
- Permalink: Hey, did somebody step on a duck?
He called me a baboon, he thinks I'm his wife.Al Czervik
- Permalink: He called me a baboon, he thinks I'm his wife.