There was a guy in the bathroom - and he was really hot!

Maxwell Smart

Agent 99: Did I hear something?
Maxwell Smart: Yes, there were some tap dancers in the hallway.

Agent 99: Did you see anything while I was dancing?
Maxwell Smart: Just once, but I don't think you expected him to lift you that high.

Maxwell Smart: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
The Chief: I don't know. Were you thinking, "Holy shit, holy shit, a sword fish almost went through my head"? If so, then yes.

Agent 99: I used to look like my mom.
Maxwell Smart: I used to look like two of my moms put together.

Shtarker: Too bad about all the dead movie stars.
Siegfried: Yes. What will we do without their razor-sharp political advice.

Larabee: I'll do it sir, I have no problem exposing myself.
Agent 99: Do you ever think before you open your mouth?
Larabee: No, I tend to just whip it out there.

Well, you've done your job, so I don't suppose I can kill your wife Zenat. Although frankly I'd be doing the sighted world a favor.

Siegfried

[to Agent 99] Is that your default setting or something? Oh, today's Tuesday, I'll punch Max. Oh look, a box of kittens, I think I'll punch Max. I have this piece of bread so now I'm going to punch Max.

Maxwell Smart

Maxwell Smart: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
The Chief: I don't know. Were you thinking, "Holy shit, holy shit, a sword fish almost went through my head"? If so, the

Agent 99: I used to look like my mom.
Maxwell Smart: I used to look like two of my moms put together.

Shtarker: Too bad about all the dead movie stars.
Siegfried: Yes. What will we do without their razor-sharp political advice.

You Might also Like

Like Movies?

Sign up for our daily newsletter and receive the latest movie news delivered to your inbox for free!

Get Smart Quotes

Maxwell Smart: [after he gets recruited as a new agent] I request a cone of silence.
Maxwell Smart: [he doesn't press the button hard enough so everyone can hear him] Oh, I'm so happy! I'm so happy! This is the best day of my life!
Lloyd: Dude, you didn't press the button hard enough...
Maxwell Smart: Right.

Siegfried: How do I know you're not from CONTROL?
Maxwell Smart: If I were from CONTROL, you'd already be dead.
Siegfried: If you were from CONTROL, YOU'D already be dead.
Maxwell Smart: Neither of us is dead, so I'm obviously not from CONTROL.
[long pause]
Shtarker: That actually makes sense.