Sheryl: She can't go. They've got some equestrian thing.
Richard: Oh, they do that horse shit every weekend.

• Permalink: She can't go. They've got some equestrian thing. Oh, they do ...
• Added: January 17, 2007

Sweet sweetness!

Richard

• Permalink: Sweet sweetness!
• Added: January 17, 2007

Frank: I take it you didn't like it at Sunset Manor?
Sheryl: Frank...
Grandpa: Are you kidding me? It was a fucking paradise. They got pool... They got golf... Now I'm stuck with Mr. Happy here, sleeping on a fucking sofa. Look, I know you are a homo and all, but maybe you can appreciate this. You go to one of those places, there's four women for every guy. Can you imagine what that's like?
Frank: You must have been very busy.
Grandpa: Ho oh. I had second degree burns on my johnson, I kid you not.
Frank: Really?
Grandpa: Forget about it.

• Permalink: I take it you didn't like it at Sunset Manor? Frank... Are ...
• Added: January 17, 2007

Pageant Assistant: Are you authorized to be backstage?
Dwayne: [without stopping] No.

• Permalink: Are you authorized to be backstage? No.
• Added: January 17, 2007

Olive: Mom? Dad?
Richard: [1/2 asleep] What is it?
Olive: Grandpa won't wake up.

• Permalink: Mom? Dad? What is it? Grandpa won't wake up.
• Added: January 17, 2007

Olive: Do you think there's a Heaven?
Frank: Well, it's hard to say, Olive. I don't think anyone knows for sure.
Olive: I know, but what do you think?
Frank: Well... um... uh...
Olive: I think there is.
Frank: Think I'll get in?
Olive: Yeah.
Frank: Promise?
Olive: Yeah.

• Permalink: Do you think there's a Heaven? Well, it's hard to say, Olive....
• Added: January 17, 2007

Dwayne: I wish I could just sleep until I was eighteen and skip all this crap- high school and everything- just skip it.
Frank: You know Marcel Proust?
Dwayne: He's the guy you teach.
Frank: Yeah. French writer. Total loser. Never had a real job. Unrequited love affairs. Gay. Spent 20 years writing a book almost no one reads. But he's also probably the greatest writer since Shakespeare. Anyway, he uh- he gets down to the end of his life... and he looks back and decides that all those years he suffered- Those were the best years of his life, 'cause they made him who he was. All those years he was happy? You know, total waste. Didn't learn a thing. So, if you sleep until you're 18... Think of the suffering you're gonna miss. I mean high school? High school? Those are your prime suffering years. You don't get better suffering than that.

• Permalink: I wish I could just sleep until I was eighteen and skip all thi...
• Added: January 17, 2007

Olive: Do you eat ice cream?
Miss California: Yes. My favorite is Cherry Chocolate Garcia... except technically I think it's a frozen yogurt.

• Permalink: Do you eat ice cream? Yes. My favorite is Cherry Chocolate Ga...
• Added: January 17, 2007

Sheryl: What did he say?
Richard: I'll tell you when I regain consciousness.

• Permalink: What did he say? I'll tell you when I regain consciousness.
• Added: January 17, 2007