Jackie: Hello, Joel. I'm Jackie.
Joel Goodson: Hello, Jackie. I'm not Joel. Joel stepped out for a moment. Hold on... I'll go call him.

Joel Goodson: Some of the girls are wearing my mother's clothing.
Lana: What's wrong with that?
Joel Goodson: I just don't want to spend the rest of my life in analysis.

It was great the way her mind worked. No guilt, no doubts, no fear. None of my specialities. Just the shameless pursuit of immediate gratification. What a capitalist.

Joel Goodson

Well, Joel, you've done a lot of solid work here, but it's just not Ivy League, now is it?

Rutherford

I don't think I am going to say, "What the fuck" anymore.

Joel Goodson

Joel Goodson: You listen to me, buster. You, you a-hole.
Guido: A-hole?
Joel Goodson: I want my stuff back right now.
Guido: Now you listen to me, you little fuck. Not only you take my two best girls, you call me names. If I didn't have any self-respect, it wouldn't just be the furniture, it'd be your arms, your legs, your head.

Guido: Listen to me.
Joel Goodson: No, no. You listen to ME!
Guido: [hangs up]
Joel Goodson: Shit!

Joel Goodson: [voiceover] The dream is always the same. Instead of going home, I go to the neighbors'. I ring, but nobody answers. The door is open, so I go inside. I'm looking around for the people, but nobody seems to be there. And then I hear the shower running, so I go upstairs to see what's what. Then I see her; this... girl, this incredible girl. I mean, what she's doing there I don't know, because she doesn't live there... but it's a dream, so I go with it. "Who's there?" she says. "Joel," I say. "What are you doing here?" "I don't know what I'm doing here; what are *you* doing here?" "I'm taking a shower," she says. Then I give her: "You want me to go?" "No," she says; "I want you to wash my back." So now, I'm gettin' enthusiastic about this dream. So I go to her, but she's hard to find through all the steam and stuff; I keep losing her. Finally I get to the door... and I... find myself in a room full of kids taking their college boards. I'm over three hours late; I've got two minutes to take the whole test. I've... just made a terrible mistake. I'll never get to college. My life is ruined.

Who's the U-Boat Commander?

Service Manager

Let me give you a little advice so you know. In times of economic uncertainty, never ever fuck with another man's livelihood. Go have fun now. You know fun, time of your life? Maybe if you follow that, I won't have to come back here.

Guido

My name is Joel Goodson. I deal in human fulfillment. I grossed over eight thousand dollars in one night. Time of your life, huh kid?

Joel Goodson

It seems to me that if there were any logic to our language, trust would be a four-letter word.

Joel Goodson
Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 30 in total

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Miles: That should never stop you.

[reading personals] "My daddy used to spank my bare bottom. Now he's gone. Will you take his place!?"

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