Hey, Rick! I never made a slam dunk before. Thanks for the boost.

I love this game!

What a place for an ending, huh? It's like that movie 'Goldeneye'!

Chip Douglas

Chip Douglas: Call it one guy doing another guy a solid.
Steven Kovacs: That is so nice!
Chip Douglas: Well you're a nice guy! You'd be surprised how many customers treat me like snot, like I'm a goddamn plumber or somethin'.

Chip Douglas: Here is a comment card. Please mail it in when I am done.
Steven Kovacs: Does this go to your boss?
Chip Douglas: No it goes to me, I'm sort of a perfectionis... perfectionis... t.

Wake up lil snoozy! Smell the smelling salts!

Chip Douglas

Come back here, so that I may brain thee!

Chip Douglas

Come on Stevie, time to leavey, It's the fun bus man!

Chip Douglas

I'll juice ya up.

Chip Douglas

Dry land is not a myth. I've seen it. Kevin Costner. Waterworld. I don't know what the big fuss is about. I saw that movie nine times. It rules!

Chip Douglas

Steven: I have this friend and he gave his cable guy $50 and then he got all the movie channels for free. You ever hear of anything like that?
Chip Douglas: [Walks slowly towards Steven] You mean illegal cable?
Steven: Um... Yeah.
Chip Douglas: Who told you that? What is his name? I want it.
Steven: Just forget it.
Chip Douglas: You're offering me a bribe. What you have just done is illegal and in this state, if convicted, you could be fined up to $5,000 or spend six months in a correction facility!
Steven: No, please, that was dumb. I was just making conversation. Forget it.
Chip Douglas: [Bursts out laughing] I'm just jerking your chain! Ha ha ha. The look on your face! Ha ha, you are too easy!
Chip Douglas: Wake up, little snoozy. Smell the smelling salts? Ha ha ha. I'll juice ya up.

Chip Douglas: Wow, the old McNair place. Never thought they'd get the floors clean after what happened.
Steven Kovacs: Why? What happened?
Chip Douglas: They had a lot of cats.

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 42 in total

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The Cable Guy Quotes

Dos thus have thou a mug of ale for me and me mate, for he hath been pitched in battle for a fortnight and has the king's thirst for the frosty brew dos thou might have for thus!

Chip Douglas

You might recognize this song as performed by Jefferson Airplane, in a little rockumentary called "Gimme Shelter," about the Rolling Stones and their nightmare at Altamont. That night the Oakland chapter of the Hell's Angels had their way. Tonight, it's my turn.

Chip Douglas
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