The Hangover

The Hangover Quotes

Stu Price: You do know counting cards is illegal, right?
Alan Garner: It's not illegal, it's just frowned upon. Like masturbating in an airplane.
Phil Wenneck: I'm pretty sure that's illegal, too.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Alan Garner: Can I ask you another question?
Lisa: Sure.
Alan Garner: You probably get this a lot. This isn't the real Caesar's Palace is it?
Lisa: What do you mean?
Alan Garner: Did, umm... did Caesar live here?
Lisa: No.
Alan Garner: I didn't think so.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Stu Price: I look like a nerdy hillbilly!
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Alan Garner: Hey Phil, look!
[laughs hysterically while miming the baby masturbating]
Alan Garner: He's jackin' his little weenus!
Phil Wenneck: Pull yourself together, bro!
Alan Garner: Not at the table, Carlos!
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Alan Garner: [while picking up Phil at the school where he works] Did you have to park so close?
Doug Billings: Yeah, what's wrong?
Alan Garner: I shouldn't be here.
Doug Billings: Why is that, Alan?
Alan Garner: I'm not supposed to be within two hundred feet of a school... or a Chuck E. Cheese.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Phil Wenneck: [his answering machine message] Hey, this is Phil. Leave me a message, or don't, but do me a favor: don't text me, it's gay.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Alan Garner: Tigers love pepper... they hate cinnamon.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Melissa: I just wish your friends were as mature as you.
Stu Price: They are mature, actually. You just have to get to know them better.
Phil Wenneck: [yelling from outside] Paging Dr. Faggot. Dr. Faggot!
Stu Price: I should go.
Melissa: That's a good idea, Dr. Faggot.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Alan Garner: It was really nice meeting you.
Melissa: F**k off!
Alan Garner: You know, I was thinking of getting my bartender's license.
Melissa: Suck my d**k!
Alan Garner: No thank you.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0