if you're always thinking about the future, then you kinda forget about the present.

You shouldn't take life to seriously. You'll never get out alive.

Van Wilder: Whoa, trick or treat. What's going on?
Richard: This vaginal discharge won't let us partake in the party.
Van Wilder: Graphic.

Her name's Naomi. That's "I moan" backwards.

I'd like you to meet Sherri and Terri. Two girls utterly infatuated with men who have larger than normal... medulla oblongata's.

I know Ms. Pac-Man is special. She's fun. She's cute. She swallows.

Crazy kids with their crazy VDs.

Don't be a fool and wrap your tool.

Congratulations Taj, your first blow job!

Van Wilder: Take your clothes off.
Gwen: I'm not taking off my clothes.
Van Wilder: Well it is the naked mile run, everybody else is in their birthday suit.
[a hairy naked guy runs by]
Van Wilder: Except that guy.

Sweet Joesph, my son's a fairy.

Vance Wilder, Sr.

Taj: I would like very much to spend my remaining days here as your assistant.
Van Wilder: Okay, we're just going do a little word association. Say the first thing that comes to your mind. Milk.
Taj: Tit! Oh, mommy. Most Indians would say "cow" because they are sacred, but I hear "milk," I think giant jugs. You see, I cannot go home a virgin. I came here to study the great American art of muff diving. To smack clam, munch rug, dine at just one American pink taco stand! You know, I wanted to, how is it, park the porpoise. You know? I want to take it through the car wash, baby. And get it waxed. I want to wax it. Wax it! You know, and air dry. Air dry that shit, yeah! And I would like to be your assistant very much, Mr. Van Wilder.

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Van Wilder Quotes

Van Wilder: I'm all out of love. I'm so lost without you. I know you were right. Believing for so long.
Sally: Dope song. What's it called?
Van Wilder: Gwen Used Me For Her Story, Then Married an Ass Wipe... and Ran Over My Heart With a Big Metaphorical Truck. Originally performed by Air Supply.

Her name's Naomi. That's "I moan" backwards.

Van Wilder