The Jerk Quotes: I Was Born a Poor Black Child

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The Jerk is not only one of Steve Martin’s greatest films. It is also one of the best films for movie quotes… ever! Here are some of the best of the best The Jerk quotes.

The Jerk Poster
Navin R. Johnson: Well I'm gonna to go then! And I don't need any of this. I don't need this stuff, and I don't need you. I don't need anything. Except this. [picks up an ashtray] and the remote control, the paddle game, and this magazine, and the chair. | permalink

Navin R. Johnson: [outside now] And I don't need one other thing, except my dog.
 [His dog, Shithead, growls at him]
Navin R. Johnson: I don't need my dog. | permalink

Navin R. Johnson: These cans are defective! | permalink

Navin R. Johnson: I was born a poor black child. | permalink

Navin R. Johnson: The new phonebook’s here! | permalink

Navin R. Johnson: Good luck. The Lord loves a working man, don’t trust whitey, see a doctor and get rid of it. Bye Grandma! | permalink

Patty Bernstein: [provocatively] You know what I wanna do?
Navin Johnson: What's that?
Patty Bernstein: Guess *your* weight. [starts squeezing on him everywhere]
Navin Johnson: Hey, you're really trying to be accurate! | permalink

Navin Johnson: Good Lord - I've heard about this - cat juggling! Stop! Stop! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Good. Father, could there be a God that would let this happen? | permalink

Navin Johnson: First I get my name in the phone book and now I'm on your ass. You know, I'll bet more people see that than the phone book. | permalink

Navin Johnson: [speaking to Marie in bed while she sleeps] I know we've only known each other four weeks and three days, but to me it seems like nine weeks and five days. The first day seemed like a week and the second day seemed like five days. And the third day seemed like a week again and the fourth day seemed like eight days. And the fifth day you went to see your mother and that seemed just like a day, and then you came back and later on the sixth day, in the evening, when we saw each other, that started seeming like two days, so in the evening it seemed like two days spilling over into the next day and that started seeming like four days, so at the end of the sixth day on into the seventh day, it seemed like a total of five days. And the sixth day seemed like a week and a half. I have it written down, but I can show it to you tomorrow if you want to see it. | permalink

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The Jerk Quotes

These cans are defective!

Navin R. Johnson

Navin R. Johnson: [outside now] And I don't need one other thing, except my dog.
[Shithead growls at him]
Navin R. Johnson: I don't need my dog.