C.D. Bales


Played By
Steve Martin
Full Name
C.D. Bales

C.D. Bales Quotes

Roxanne Kowalski: You know, I've been thinking about what attracted me to Chris. It wasn't the way he looked. Well, that's not true, at first it was the way he looked. But it was how he made me feel. He made me feel romantic, intelligent, feminine. But it wasn't him doing that, was it? It was you. You and your nose, Charlie. You have a big nose! You have a beautiful, great big, flesh-and-bone nose! I love your nose! I love your nose, Charlie. I love you, Charlie.
[he stares]
Roxanne Kowalski: Well?
C.D. Bales: Are you kidding?
[he somersaults off the roof of the house]

C.D. Bales: [to two drunks that have just made fun of his nose] I really admire your shoes.
Drunk #1: What?
C.D. Bales: I love your shoes.
Drunk #2: What do ya mean?
C.D. Bales: And I was just thinking: as much as I really admire your shoes, and as much as I'd love to have a pair just like them, I really wouldn't want to be IN your shoes at this particular time and place.

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Roxanne Quotes

Dixie: What can you sit on, sleep on, and brush your teeth with?
C.D. Bales: Huh?
Dixie: It's a riddle. What can you sit on, sleep on, and brush your teeth with?
C.D. Bales: I don't know.
Dixie: A chair, a bed, and a toothbrush.
C.D. Bales: What's the point?
Dixie: The point is that sometimes the answer is so obvious, you don't even realize it. It's as plain as the nose on your face. You should tell her!
C.D. Bales: Tell who, what?
Dixie: Tell Roxanne that you love her.

I would rather be with the people of this town than with the finest people in the world.

Mayor Deebs