[Jim is watching porn] Adult Video Actor: Crystal! What are you doing here in the boy's locker room? Adult Video Actress: Come to see the star quarterback before the big game. Adult Video Actor: But what if Coach Henderson walks in? Adult Video Actress: Oh, that's okay, I took care of him. So, uh, whatya reading? Adult Video Actor: Oh, I'm just reviewing my playbook. Adult Video Actress: I know a play we can practice: You be quarterback, I'll be tight-end.
[praying] Dear God, I know I don't believe in you, but since I'll be starting catholic school soon, I though I should at least practice. Let's see. What do I want? I want Lisa to realize what a bitch she is and feel really bad and apologize for how she hurt me and know how much I still love her. In spite of everything, I still want Paul to win the election tomorrow, not that cunt Tracy. Oh, and I also want a really expensive pair of leather pants and someday, I wanna be really good friends with Madonna. Love, Tammy.