Joe Gould: You gonna punch him or pork him?
Max Baer: That's your job, assho...
[Braddock punches Baer]

All you have to know is I’m innocent. Give me two days, I can prove it. I can find out who did it.

Bryan Mills

Betty Schaefer: Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Gillis, but I just didn't think it was any good. I found it flat and trite.
Joe Gillis: Exactly what kind of material do you recommend? James Joyce? Dostoyevsky?
Betty Schaefer: I just think that pictures should say a little something.
Joe Gillis: Oh, one of the message kids. Just a story won't do. You'd have turned down Gone With the Wind.
Sheldrake: No, that was me. I said, "Who wants to see a Civil War picture?"

Lyn Cassady: [driving up behind a running prisoner yelling out the window] It's ok we're Americans, we're here to help you!
Bob Wilton: [Truck shakes and rattles a little bit] What happened?
Lyn Cassady: I think I just ran him over. Oh crap.

Serendipity: Can you believe it? Me - a muse, for God's sake. I sit down in front of the typewriter, and what do I get? Nothing. Blank page. I can't even write a grocery list.
Bethany: What about what you did with Jay and Silent Bob? You inspired them.
Serendipity: That's the cosmic joke. I can give out a zillion and nine ideas a second, but I can't keep any for myself. Her quirky sense of humor.

What do you do with an elephant with 3 balls? Walk him and pitch to the rhino.

Ramada Thompson

Terence Fletcher: Were you rushing or were you dragging?
Andrew: I-I don't know.
Terence Fletcher: Start counting!
Andrew: Five, six...
Terence Fletcher: In four, dammit! Look at me!
Andrew: One, two, three, four.
Andrew: One, two, three, four.
Andrew: One, two, three...
Terence Fletcher: Now, was I rushing or I was dragging?
Andrew: I don't know.
Terence Fletcher: Count again.
Andrew: One, two, three, four.
Andrew: One, two, three, four.
Andrew: One, two, three, four...
Terence Fletcher: Rushing or dragging?
Andrew: Rushing.
Terence Fletcher: [yelling] So, you do know the difference!

Get the radio fixed Vossler. I could've built one by now.


Allison: I'm in the midst of doing my thesis.
Alvy Singer: On what?
Allison: Political commitment in twentieth century literature.
Alvy Singer: You, you, you're like New York, Jewish, left-wing, liberal, intellectual, Central Park West, Brandeis University, the socialist summer camps and the, the father with the Ben Shahn drawings, right, and the really, y'know, strike-oriented kind of, red diaper, stop me before I make a complete imbecile of myself.
Allison: No, that was wonderful. I love being reduced to a cultural stereotype.
Alvy Singer: Right, I'm a bigot, I know, but for the left.

Oh you are going to love him, and by love I mean cower in terror from.


Receptionist: Does he have Alzheimer's?
David Grant: No, he just believes what people tell him.
Receptionist: That's too bad.

What a nice little dog. And you, my dear, what an unexpected pleasure. It's so kind of you to want to visit me in my loneliness.

Wicked Witch of the West

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