Carl Hanratty: Well, would you like to hear me tell a joke?
Earl Amdursky: Yeah. Yeah, we'd love to hear a joke from you.
Carl Hanratty: Knock knock.
Earl Amdursky: Who's there?
Carl Hanratty: Go fuck yourselves.

[narrating] When I was young, about eight or so, I tried making friends with God by inviting Him to my house to watch the World Series. He never showed.

Jim Carroll

When my husband died, people kept telling me not to cry. People kept trying to help me to forget. But I didn't want to forget... So I realize, that if it's hard for me, how much harder it must be for you.

Mrs. Myers

Gareth Mallory: Eleanor, be sensible. Retire with dignity...
M: Dignity! To Hell with dignity! I'll retire when my goddamn job is finally done.

For the animals that didn't have a dad to put them in a boat, the end of the world already happened.


There are rich teams, and there are poor teams. Then there's 50 feet of crap. And then there's us.

Billy Beane

They ain't tough enough, smart enough or fast enough. I can hit any bank I want, any time. They got to be at every bank, all the time.

John Dillinger

Can you point me to the crapper? I have to drop some timber.


You're a lot of woman, you know that? Yeah, wanna make 14 dollars the hard way?

Al Czervik

The most important thing in business is honesty, integrity, hardwork... family... never forgetting where we came from.

Frank Lucas

Evan Baxter: And I'm Evan Baxter and here's what's making news. A potential scandal with the Buffalo P.D. surfaced today when the mayor d-bow debit
[choked off]
Evan Baxter: [high pitched] D-bow d-bit d-bow
[unintelligible chicken squawking]
Evan Baxter: Bucka-bow, dee buck.
Director: Someone get him some water please.
Susan Ortega: Looks like my new co-anchor may need a glass of water.
Evan Baxter: [clears throat] Oh, there we go. Sorry about that. In other news the Prime Minister of Sweden visited Washington today and my tiny little nipples went to France.

The Warlock: [to Matt] Why did you bring a cop to my command center?
John McClane: It's a basement!
The Warlock: Who is this man?

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