He's not my Dad, he's my stepdad!


Natalie Hegalhuzen: You know that all my writings have called this occupation a violation of international law and its practitioners are criminals?
Brand Hauser: Do you really believe all this stuff you write?
Natalie Hegalhuzen: Anyone who can causes this much mayhem when they didn't have to? The amount of suffering that I've seen?
Brand Hauser: I know.
[helicoper flies overhead]
Brand Hauser: [speaking on the phone] Ok. Hold on a sec.
[speaking to Natalie again]
Brand Hauser: But the way I look at it is this: the day we can actually feel and hear all the suffering of mankind, that's the day when "The Christ" will come back! So we got that going for us.
[speaking on the phone again]
Brand Hauser: I'll be out in a minute.
[speaking to Natalie again]
Brand Hauser: Or 'The Buddha', or Allah, whoever floats your boat.

All you need is scented candles, massage oil, and Barry White. Write that down.

Van Wilder

Luke: We'll never get it out now!
Yoda: So certain are you. Always with you what cannot be done. Hear you nothing that I say?

Ellie Andrews: Aren't you gonna congratulate me?
Peter Warne: What for?
Ellie Andrews: Well, I proved once and for all that the limb is mightier than the thumb.

Rufus: I'm telling you, man, this ceremony is a big mistake.
Cardinal Glick: The Catholic Church does not make mistakes.
Rufus: Please. What about the Church's silent consent to the slave trade?
Bethany: And its platform of non-involvement during the Holocaust?
Cardinal Glick: All right, mistakes were made.

[narrating] I wished that I'd gone down instead of Spud. Here I was surrounded by my family and my so-called mates and I've never felt so alone. Never in all my puff. Since I was on remand, they've had me on this program, this state sponsored addiction. Three sickly sweet doses of methadone a day instead of smack. But it's never enough. And at the moment it's nowhere near enough. I took all three this morning and now I've got eighteen hours to go until my next shot. I've got sweat on my back like a layer of frost. I need to visit the Mother Superior for one hit. One final hit to get us over this long, hard day.

Mark "Rent-boy" Renton

Frank: Ara again? You gonna get an autographed picture and kiss it every night before you go to bed?
Rudy: What is your problem?
Frank: Or maybe he'll give you permission to wipe his ass.

I'm going to need a lawyer, a very, very good lawyer, an expensive lawyer. It could break us.

Rusty Sabich

Piss on me, will you?
[sprays Wild Bill with a fire hose]

Harry Terwilliger

What is any life without the pursuit of a dream?

Rebecca Dearborn

Moses: Where have you been?
Messenger: Watching you fail.

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