I'm not going to invite you in. Not because I'm married, but because I know who I am.


I'm not a homophobe, I'm a pulling out-my-penis in-front-of you-ophobe.

Dave Buznik

Van Wilder: Blue - it brings out your eyes. The kid has killer eyes, not unlike yourself - anyone ever tell you that?
Gwen: Yes, my boyfriend.
Van Wilder: Your boyfriend? What's his name?
Gwen: I don't think that's any of your business.
Van Wilder: [Puts on sunglasses and turns away] You're right

Alan Garner: Who's baby is that?
Phil Wenneck: We'll deal with the baby later.
Stu Price: We're not gonna leave a baby in the room. There's a tiger in the bathroom!

Young Doc: All you got to do is drive directly toward that screen accelerating up to 88 miles an hour.
Marty McFly: Wait a minute, Doc. It I go driving straight towards that screen, I'm gonna crash into those Indians.
Young Doc: Marty, you're not thinking fourth dimensionally. You'll soon enough be transferred back into 1885, and those Indians won't even be there.

Olive: Do you eat ice cream?
Miss California: Yes. My favorite is Cherry Chocolate Garcia... except technically I think it's a frozen yogurt.

Dennis Reed: It rains nine months a year in Seattle.
Annie Reed: I know!

Captain Dudley Smith: It's best to stay away from a man when his blood is up.
Ed Exley: His blood is always up.
Captain Dudley Smith: Then perhaps you should stay away from him altogether.

Jack Twist: [as Lureen takes off her shirt] You are in a hurry.
Lureen Newsome: My dad's the hurry. He expects me home with the car by midnight.

Kid: You are really Santa, right?
Willie: No, I'm an accountant. I wear this fucking thing as a fashion statement, alright?

Brodie: My Grandmother always used to say "why buy the cow, when you can get the sex for free".
T.S. Quint: She said that?
Brodie: All the time, before she became a lesbian on her 60th Birthday, but that's besides the point.

General Allenby: I believe your name will be a household word when you'll have to go to the War Museum to find who Allenby was. You're the most extraordinary man I've ever met! T.E. Lawrence: Leave me alone! General Allenby: What? T.E. Lawrence: Leave me alone! General Allenby: Well, that's a feeble thing to say. T.E. Lawrence: I know I'm not ordinary. General Allenby: That's not what I'm saying... T.E. Lawrence: All right! I'm extraordinary! What of it?

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