Ramada, I do love you. I've tried to forget you but no matter what, your face is on the tip of my tongue.

Topper Harley

Oh, hello. You're, uh, you're probably here about the story. Elves love to tell stories. I... I'll bet you didn't know that about elves. There's, uh, probably a lot of things you didn't know about elves. Another, another interesting, uh, elfism, uh, there are only three jobs available to an elf. The first is making shoes at night while, you know, while the old cobbler sleeps.

Papa Elf

Dawn Campbell: Brad, do you love me?
Brad Stand: I think so.
Dawn Campbell: With the bonnet?
Brad Stand: Ehhh...

It became more of a job than a sport to play.

William Gates

Rick: Alex?
Alex: What were you thinking, a mummy had come back to life?
Rick: I'll tell you a story some time.

[after the Fouchet thug tries to shoot the gun nothing happens and Marcus slams him into a urinal] Next time, learn to work the safety with your punk-ass.

Marcus Burnett

[Last lines] This was not well thought out.

Mayor Shelbourne

President Andrew Shepherd: How much do you make?
Sydney Ellen Wade: More than you do, Mr. President.
President Andrew Shepherd: The name is Andy. How much money do you make?

Jenko: We're like a power couple.
Schmidt: We're like Rihanna and Chris Brown. You're a good dancer but sometimes you're meaner than I'd like you to be.

Sheriff Rawlins: Okay boys, gather around here and listen up. We're shuttin' it down, Wyatt Earp's here to mop up.
Deputy Marshal Samuel Gerard: That's funny. Wyatt Earp.

Will: Does this violate the doctor-patient relationship?
Sean: Not unless you grab my ass.

Torrance Shipman: You know, mothers have killed to get their daughters on squads.
Christine Shipman: That mother didn't kill anybody. She hired a hit man.

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