Gwen: Is it true this is your seventh year at Coolidge?
Van Wilder: Carry the two, yes that's correct.

Say "what the fuck" ... If you can't say it, you can't do it.


Eben Olemaun: Hey, what do you say the two of us go outside and have a little talk, huh?
The Stranger: Now what's wrong... with a man... who want a little fresh meat?
Eben Olemaun: Come on. You and me. Let's go. I'm taking you outside.
The Stranger: I would like to see that.

Reporter: Los Angeles, New York and Washington D.C. have been left in ruins.
Russel Casse: Good God! I've been sayin' it. I've been sayin' it for ten damn years. Ain't I been sayin' it, Miguel? Yeah, I've been sayin' it.

I'm gonna get out of the car and drop you like third period French.

Turk Malloy

You have to go where the love is. And the love for me, right now, is in Miami, not Blaine.

Dr. Pearl

James Bond: How long have I got?
Felix Leiter: Thirty seconds.
James Bond: That doesn't give us a lot of time...

We didn't run out of planes and television sets. We ran out of food.


Pam Byrnes: Did you tell your mother that I'm pregnant? Because she keeps touching my stomach and smiling like that.
Greg Focker: No, I didn't tell her. She guessed.
Pam Byrnes: She what?
Greg Focker: Yeah, and then she told my dad.
Pam Byrnes: Oh, my God.

Well, you sure are getting an early jump on your baby-proofing! Don't worry about a thing; it shouldn't be a problem for anyone over 7.

Boo-Boo Buster

For no one - no one in this world can you trust. Not men, not women, not beasts. This you can trust.

Conan's Father

Durell: Um, excuse me?
Rickey: Excuse you? Don't nobody even know you!

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