I don't know why you going home to your wife. You got shot in the leg, your dick probably don't even work.

Mike Lowrey

It's not like I'm a lesbian or anything. I'm attracted to the person. It's just that all the people I've been attracted to happen to be girls.

Tammy Metzler

Mike Dexter: Who's gonna want you now?
Amanda Becket: [Looking at letter] Somebody.
Mike Dexter: Somebody? More like... nobody!
Amanda Becket: Gosh, Mike. You really got me.

Richie: You dropped some cigarettes.
Margot: Those aren't mine.
Richie: They just fell out of your pocket.

Rosalyn Rosenfeld: Life is ridiculous. And you know that I would never say anything bad about your father in front of you, but your father is a sick son-of-a bitch.
Danny Rosenfeld: Daddy's a sick son-of-a-bitch?
Rosalyn Rosenfeld: Don't repeat that... but yes.

I can remember everything. That's my curse, young man. It's the greatest curse that's ever been inflicted on the human race


Rita: I always drink to world peace.
Phil: I'd like to drink to world peace.

Eight hundred leaf-tables and no chairs? You can't sell leaf-tables and no chairs. Chairs, you got a dinette set. No chairs, you got dick!

Nathan Arizona Sr.

[to his friends on megaphone] Quick break, everybody. There's some nice Pakistani cold cuts there, courtesy of Mrs. Segal.


Jake: The team? You guys are fuckin' insane. All right, I'll go back to the Valley. I'll cut parking tickets. Why does it have to be this way?
Alonzo: I'm sorry I exposed you to it, but it is. It's ugly, but it's necessary... Sometimes you gotta have a little dirt on you for anybody to trust you.

What about santa's cookies? I suppose parents eat those too?


You can't hurt me anymore!

The Cabinet Lady

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