Well, I'm one of those fortunate people who like my job, sir. Got my first chemistry set when I was seven, blew my eyebrows off, we never saw the cat again, been into it ever since.

Stanley Goodspeed

Silent Bob: [to Holden] So there's me an' Amy, and we're all inseparable, right? Just big time in love. And then about four months in, I ask about the ex-boyfriend. Dumb move, I know, but you know how it is - you don't really want to know, but you just have to... stupid guy bullshit. Anyway she starts telling me all about him - how they dated for years, lived together, her mother likes me better, blah, blah, blah - and I'm okay. But then she tells me that a couple times, he brought other people to bed with them - ménage a tois, I believe it's called. Now this just blows my mind. I mean, I'm not used to that sort of thing, right? I was raised Catholic.
Jay: Saint Shithead.

Here is the list of things to do while I'm away. Batteries need to be replaced. Toys in the bottom of the chest need to be rotated. Oh, and make sure everyone attends Mr. Spell's seminar on what to do if part of you is swallowed. Okay? Okay, good, okay.


For no one - no one in this world can you trust. Not men, not women, not beasts. This you can trust.

Conan's Father

Chenille: I saw you workin' it out there tonight, girl!
Sara: Oh, yeah... slammin'!
Chenille: Ah-huh! Later!

Jack: We decided that, we want you to be on camera.
Alison Scott: Oh my god, really?
Jill: I know, I was so surprised too.

We'll pay for your Viagra but not for your glasses. That way, you get a hard-on but can't see where to put it!

Tom Dobbs

Rick: I'm sorry for asking. I forgot we said "no questions".
Ilsa: Well, only one answer can take care of all our questions.

I ain't even gonna look, I ain't even gonna look. I'm just gonna play. I can't see, I can't see.


Saddam Hussein: What the *fuck* are you talking about?
Satan: You treat me like shit, Saddam! I'm leaving you!
Saddam Hussein: What? No? No! You can't do that! I have to go to Earth!
Satan: You don't even have any respect for me.
Saddam Hussein: Sure I do, guy, please, just hear me out

Cole Trickle: What'd you win this one for?
[Points to a trophy]
Cole Trickle: This one right here, what'd win this for?
Rowdy Burns: Doesn't it say?
Cole Trickle: Yeah, that's a Winston Cup, buddy. Hell, that's an easy one to forget. What's your name, or has that slipped your mind too?
Rowdy Burns: Screw you, man.

My brains are going into my feet!

Dark Helmet

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