Jake Oleson: I saw them feeding on Grandma Helen. I saw their teeth. They're like, vampires, you know?
Stella Oleson: Vampires don't exist, Jake.

Miles Darby: I just like to play with myself.
Lucy Avila: Oh you make it too easy.

E.B.: Is she seeing anyone?
Fred: No. She's single and she's looking for a rabbit.

(Said to Adam): Don't screw it up. Ten years from now you're going to be having sex with your wife and it's going to be in the missionary position and one of you is going to be asleep.

If you cannot think of anything appropriate to say you will please restrict your remarks to the weather.

Mrs. Dashwood

She's gone. And the present is trivia, which I scribble down as fucking notes.

Leonard Shelby

Hello, I'm Johnny Cash.

Johnny Cash

[after learning he's been fired] Dan what the hell am I gonna tell my wife? I mean she already wears the pants, now she's gonna wear the tie and jacket too.


Hayes: If someone were to tell you this ship was headed for Singapore, what would you say?
Lumpy the Cook: I'd say they're full of it Mr. Hayes. I mean we turned Southwest last night.
Carl Denham: Fellas, we're not looking for any trouble...
Jimmy: No. You're looking for somethin' else.

Good show! Jolly good show, Major!

Colonel Green

Jane Spencer: Now I know why Ed's been calling every half hour. You've been back on a case, haven't you?
Frank Drebin: No, no, I swear, it's another woman.
Jane Spencer: In your wildest dreams.

Does that make you HORNY, baby?

Austin Powers

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