Don't you think I realize what's going on here, miss? Who do you think I am, huh? Don't you think I know that if I was some hotshot from out of town that pulled inside here and you guys made a reservation mistake, I'd be the first one to get a room and I'd be upstairs relaxing right now. But I'm not some hotshot from out of town, I'm a small reporter from "Rolling Stone" magazine that's in town to do an exclusive interview with Michael Jackson that's gonna be picked up by every major magazine in the country. I was gonna call the article "Michael Jackson Is Sitting On Top of the World," but now I think I might as well just call it "Michael Jackson Can Sit On Top of the World Just As Long As He Doesn't Sit in the Beverly Palm Hotel 'Cause There's No Niggers Allowed in There!"

Axel Foley

Hooper: Ah. Just like I thought... He came up with the Gulf Stream - from southern waters.
[pulls a Louisiana license plate from the shark]
Brody: He didn't eat a car, did he?
Hooper: Naw, a tiger shark's like a garbage can, it'll eat anything. Someone probably threw that in a river.

Silent Bob here's an electrical genius. He won the science fair in eighth grade by turning his mom's vibrator into a CD player using some chicken wire and shit.The mother fucker's like MacGyver. No, the mother fucker's *better than* MacGyver.

Jay

Oh, it's not the speed really so much, I just wish I hadn't drunk all that cough syrup this morning.

John Winger

You girls are awesome... ly horrible. I hate you. Kill yourselves. Girl power! Sisters before misters!

Bumper

Ed Exley: Do you make the three Negroes for the Nite Owl Killings?
Jack Vincennes: What?
Ed Exley: It's a simple question.
Jack Vincennes: Why in the world do you wanna go digging any deeper into the Nite Owl killings, Lieutenant?
Ed Exley: Rollo Tomasi.
Jack Vincennes: Is there more to that, or am I supposed to guess?
Ed Exley: Rollo was a purse snatcher. My father ran into him off duty, and he shot my father six times and got away clean. No one even knew who he was. I just made the name up to give him some personality.

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Without warning, I will attack you. In this way, I will keep you vigilant and alert.
[attacks Ponton, but Ponton hits Clouseau]
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Good one.
Ponton: Thank you.

KISS ME!

Girl in Disco

My grandfather... was a very... SICK... man.

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein

S. S. Strickland: Who?
[jabs Marty with shotgun threateningly]
Marty McFly: Marty McFly! Marty McFly! Don't you know, Mr... From school, sir!
S. S. Strickland: I've never seen you before, but you look to me like a slacker!
Marty McFly: Yeah! That's right! That's right, I am a slacker! Don't you remember, you gave me detention last week!
S. S. Strickland: Last week? The school burnt down six years ago! Now you got exactly three seconds to get off my porch with your nuts intact!

What are you telling me, that you're, you're, you're gonna leave Emily, is this true? And, and run away with the, the, the winner of the Zelda Fitzgerald emotional maturity award?

Isaac Davis

Ronnie Neary: Roy, that is a terrific way to win over your children.
Roy Neary: I'm not serious, I'm just saying that I grew up with Pinocchio, and if kids are still kids, they're going to eat it up.

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