I don't do drugs, though. Just weed.

Thurgood Jenkins

Now, I can be a good guy, or I can be one real mean sum-bitch.

Captain, Road Prison 36

Alex: So, I hear you're a real dope rapper.
Jimmy Smith Jr: Who told you I was a "dope rapper?"

Carl Showalter: Alright Jerry, I'm through fucking around. You got the fucking money?
Jerry Lundegaard: Yeah, I got the money, but... uh...
Carl Showalter: Don't you fucking fuck me, Jerry. I want you to get this money to the Dayton Radisson, top level, in 30 minutes, Jerry, we wrap this thing up.
Jerry Lundegaard: Yeah, but...
Carl Showalter: Hey, you're there in 30 minutes Jerry or I find you Jerry and I shoot you and I shoot your fucking wife and I shoot all your fucking children and I shoot them all in the back of their little fucking heads, you got it?
Jerry Lundegaard: Okay, now you stay away from Scotty now.
Carl Showalter: Got it?

Jack Twist: Well... maybe you oughta get out of there, you know? Find yourself someplace different. Maybe Texas.
Ennis Del Mar: Texas? Sure, maybe you can convince Alma to let you and Lureen to adopt the girls. And we can just live together herding sheep. And it'll rain money from LD Newsome and whiskey'll flow in the streams - Jack, that's real smart.
Jack Twist: Go to hell, Ennis. If you wanna live your miserable fuckin' life, then go right ahead.
Ennis Del Mar: Fine.
Jack Twist: I was just thinkin' out loud.
Ennis Del Mar: Yep, you're a real thinker there. Goddamn. Jack fuckin' Twist; got it all figured out, ain't ya?

May I take your trident, sir?


Dewey Finn: Ok, here's the deal. I have a hangover. Who knows what that means?
Frankie: Doesn't that mean you're drunk?
Dewey Finn: No. It means I was drunk yesterday.
Freddy: It means you're an alcoholic.
Dewey Finn: Wrong.
Freddy: You wouldn't come to work with a hangover unless you were an alcoholic. Dude, you got a disease!
Dewey Finn: Hmmm... hmmm... What's your name?
Freddy: Freddy Jones.
Dewey Finn: Ok, Freddy Jones, shut up!

Young J.R.: Guess which Carter this is.
Young Jack Cash: I don't know J.R.
Young J.R.: Guess...
Young Jack Cash: Anita?
Young J.R.: Nope...
Young Jack Cash: Who?
Young J.R.: June.

Celeste Boyle: He's been acting kind of nuts lately. I'm almost afraid of him. Do you know something?
Jimmy Markum: I know he was taken in by the cops this morning. I know he saw Katie the night she was murdered. Didn't tell me about it until after the cops questioned him. And I know he's got a hand that looks like it's been punching a fucking wall. Is there anything else I should know?

Mister Anderson, you look surprised to see me, again.

Agent Smith

Michael Newman: You've gotta show me how you do the quarter trick, it's driving me crazy!
Ted: A good magician never reveals his secrets... however, if you invite us over for dinner more often...
Michael Newman: You can come over tomorrow night and the next night and the next night and whenever you want!

I fucking hate this job man. We spend nine hours a day, five days a week incarcerated in this wanky fucking store, having to act like C-3PO to any wanker who wants to condescend to us. We have to brown nose the customers, then we get abused by some... mini fucking Hitler who just gives us stick all day.


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