Dante Hicks: You wouldn't wanna be with a girl with an oversized clit?
Randal Graves: No because the next step would be a guy with an undersized dick.

All my life I could do anything. I could do anything, really. Except the one thing I wanted.


Jack: Jill this is Otto.
Otto: Nice to meet you.
Jill: (Yells) :Nice to meet you! He's homeless, right?
Jack: Are you whispering with a bull horn or something? Everybody hears you.

With the slightest disturbance, the dream's going to collapse.


If you were a dork you should say you're sorry. Girls like that.


Moaning Myrtle: Oh, Harry? If you die down there, you're welcome to share my toilet.
Harry: Uh... thanks, Myrtle.

Julius Benedict: My name is Julius and I am your twin brother.
Vincent Benedict: Oh, obviously! The moment I sat down I thought I was looking into a mirror.

Christopher Gardner: There's no salary?
Jay Twistle: No.
Christopher Gardner: I was not aware of that. My circumstances have changed some.

Exorcism is alive and well in the present age. People think of it as being a scourge of the Middle Ages that somehow went away and was cured by science, but the fact of the matter is it's never gone away. Exorcism today is bigger than it's ever been.

Cotton Marcus

[about to be kissed] Uh, I heard this rumor... alcohol impairs your judgment.

Carter Duryea

One of you is a very lucky girl. There is an opening for a job away from all this back-breaking work, in my new villa. Umm, which of you has domestic experience? Ja, on second thought, I don't really want someone else's maid. All those annoying habits I'd have to undo.

Amon Goeth

So that's it? Just forget about you and me?


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