If there's one thing I know, it's never to mess with mother nature, mother in-laws and, mother freaking Ukrainians.

Skinny Pete

We're all pretty bizarre. Some of us are just better at hiding it, that's all.


I was told that I could listen to the radio at a reasonable volume from 9-11, I told bill that if Sandra is going to listen to her headphones while she's filing then I should be able to listen to the radio while I'm collating so I don't see why I should have to turn down the radio because I enjoy listening at a reasonable volume from nine to eleven.

Milton Waddams

Life's all about moments of impact and how they change our lives forever. But what if one day, you could no longer remember any of them?


Fuck, I keep forgetting about the goddamn tiger!

Phil Wenneck

I'm old, Gandalf. I know I don't look it but I'm beginning to feel it in my heart. I feel thin... sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread. I need a holiday. A very long holiday. And I don't expect I shall return. In fact I mean not to.


Now that's how you get pink eye.

Ben Stone

You want to compare brainpans? I won the Westinghouse prize when I was 12, big deal. Published at 19, so what. I got a double doctorate from MIT at 22, Chemistry and Geology. I taught at Princton for two and a half years. Why do I do this? Because the money's good, the scenery changes and they let me use explosives, ok?


I will love you forever, Ever Thine, Ever Mine, Ever Ours.

Mr. Big

Man, what are you doing with a gun in space?


Capt. Ramsey: Speaking of horses did you ever see those Lipizzaner stallions.
Hunter: What?
Capt. Ramsey: From Portugal. The Lipizzaner stallions. The most highly trained horses in the world. They're all white?
Hunter: Yes, sir.
Capt. Ramsey: "Yes, sir" you're aware they're all white or "Yes, sir" you've seen them?
Hunter: Yes, sir I've seen them. Yes, sir I was aware that they're are all white. They are not from Portugal; they're from Spain and at birth, they're not white; they're black. Sir.
Capt. Ramsey: I didn't know that. But they are from Portugal.

"The Statue of Liberty is kaput" - that's disconcerting.

Captain Miller

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