Lois Einhorn: Alright, Ventura. Make it quick.
Ace Ventura: I found a rare stone at the bottom of Snowflake's tank. It belonged to a 1984 AFC Championship ring. It would have been a Super Bowl ring, but Ray Finkle missed the big kick. Blames the whole thing on Marino. We're talking mental institute escapee. I saw the guy's room. Cozy if you're Hannibal Lecter!

Malcolm: Who was that in the video?
Caesar: A good man... like you.

Truth is for suckers, Johnny Boy.

Charlie

It seems to me that if there were any logic to our language, trust would be a four-letter word.

Joel Goodson

That's a nice boy. Go get 'em, Dulli.

George

Frankie Dunn: So is Jesus a Demigod?
Father Horvak: There are no Demigods, you fucking Pagan!

You can't ask me to battle nature in my own heart.

The Duchess of Devonshire

Ollie: No, that's okay, I'll stay here and do the dishes. I only cooked, why shouldn't I clean?
Bart: Suit yourself. Don't wash that pan, I got a nice layer of juice built up for the pork roll, and I don't want you scrubbing it off.
Ollie: That juice is called grease, dad. It's bad for you. It clogs your arteries.
Bart: It's called juice. And it greases your father's insides so he can better swallow the shit his son feeds him twice a year, when he can be bothered to come to visit him.

Greg Focker: Hey whats the good word grandpa Jack?
Jack Byrnes: This is Jack Byrnes
Greg Focker: Yeah I know, I can tell from the caller ID.

But Pop, I've seen things that I know are so wrong. Now how can I go back to school and keep my mind on... on things that are just in books, that-that-that aren't people living?

Edie

I think you will find me a slasher... of prices!

Simon Skinner

Gwen, good of you to come. Now take off your clothes. It is the naked mile run.

Van Wilder

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