Roxanne Simpson: So, tonight you'll...? rawr?
Johnny Blaze: I believe so.

Kate: It is romantic though.
Roland: Are you a woman or a blacksmith?
Kate: Sometimes I'm both.

My god. Do we really suck or is this guy really that good?

Mr. Hertz

Melanie Mitchell: Mr. President, the Russian news crew is with us. I told them you'd give them a sound bite about life in the White House.
President James Marshall: There is no life in the White House!

John Smith: Did you hear the helicopter dropping me off that night for our anniversary dinner?
Jane Smith: No. Oh, percussion grenades. I was partially deaf that evening.

Man, I was in your closet for like three weeks. I gotta take a piss.

Ronnie

Adam: Cheers. (Taps date's wine glass)
Lucy: Oh thank you.
Adam and Lucy (Go to kiss, bangs head together instead): Oww.
Lucy: I'm so sorry. That was such a fail on my part. Wait, can we, I can do better than that, can we try again?
Adam: Sure. Mulligan. Let's, why don't we... (sit down on couch and start making out)
Lucy: Oh my god, this is happening, this is really happening, you're touching me...
Adam: Maybe we don't need to talk about everything.

Caroline: I found Jesus!
Norah: What?
Caroline: Jesus!
Caroline: He's much taller in person...

Mr. Potato Head: How did I get stuck with you as a moving buddy?
Rex: Everyone else was picked.

Drug Dealer: Who in the FUCK do you think you are? Where the fuck do you think you are, and why the fuck don't I just put your ass in a dumpster?
Robert Wakefield: I... I got money...
Drug Dealer: I got money!
Robert Wakefield: I've got a thousand dollars in my pocket; it's for you.
Drug Dealer: If I want your money man, I will TAKE your money!

Even though some of you are pretty thin, you all have fat hearts, and that's what matters.

Fat Amy

It's like that book I read in the 9th grade that said "'tis a far far better thing doing stuff for other people."

Cher

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