I bet if I asked him to play a game of Quidditch he'd cum himself.


You should've gone to China, you know, 'cause I hear they give away babies like free iPods. You know, they pretty much just put them in those t-shirt guns and shoot them out at sporting events.

Juno MacGuff

Dean: If there is a greater power, why is it he can't get you a new sweater?
Jamie: Because, he's too busy looking for your brain.

That's what a wrench is for, dumbass!

Clyde Shelton

Sid: It's a boy!
Diego: That's a tail.
Sid: It's a girl!

Do you fear... death? Do you fear that dark abyss? All your deeds laid bare, all your sins punished?

Davy Jones

I, like God, do not play with dice and do not believe in coincidence.


Darling, I am truly unhappy to have to tell you this, but through an unfortunate and entirely unforeseeable series of circumstances that had nothing whatsoever to do with me, poor Will has been press-ganged into Davy Jones's crew.

Jack Sparrow

Landon: Listen, Jamie, I was hoping we could run lines together?
Jamie: Okay, but just not so anybody knows, right?
Landon: Well I just figured we could surprise everyone with how good I get.
Jamie: Like we could be secret friends.
Landon: Exactly, exactly it's like you're reading my mind.
Jamie: Great umm... maybe you could read mine.
[she gives him a cold glare and turns away]
Landon: Jamie, Jamie I can't just be your friend.
Jamie: Landon, look, I thought I saw something in you, something good, but I was very wrong.

Alison Scott: I'm pregnant.
Ben Stone: You mean, with emotion?

That's the beauty of argument, if you argue correctly, you're never wrong.

Nick Naylor

Jimmy: I call top bunk!
Chazz: No, I already did.
Jimmy: No you didn't.
Chazz: Yes I did. In my mind.

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