I ate my twin in the womb.


OK, remember when Paul McCartney wrote the song "Michelle" and then he only wrote the first part, Annie said. And then he gave that part to John Lennon, and he wrote the part that said, "I love you, I love you, I love you." And Annie said that it wouldn't have been the same song without that... and that's why the whole world cried when the Beatles broke up on April 10, 1970.


He who hesitates, masturbates.

Chip Douglas

Greg Focker: Hey Jack, why don't you tell 'em about your little phone call in Thai.
Dina Byrnes: Jack can't talk Thai.
Greg Focker: Oh no, Dina, Jack can talk Thai. Jack talked Thai real well.

Wake up! Time to die!


[narrating, last lines] The town will never be the same. After the Tangiers, the big corporations took it all over. Today it looks like Disneyland. And while the kids play cardboard pirates, Mommy and Daddy drop the house payments and Junior's college money on the poker slots. In the old days, dealers knew your name, what you drank, what you played. Today, it's like checkin' into an airport. If you order room service, you're lucky if you get it by Thursday. Today, it's all gone. You get a whale show up with four million in a suitcase, and some 25-year-old hotel school kid is gonna want his Social Security Number. After the Teamsters got knocked out of the box, the corporations tore down practically every one of the old casinos. And where did the money come from to rebuild the pyramids? Junk bonds. But in the end, I wound up right back where I started. I could still pick winners, and I could still make money for all kinds of people back home. And why mess up a good thing?

Ace Rothstein

So many people to kill... so little time.

Poison Ivy

Reuben: If you're gonna steal from Terry Benedict, you'd better goddamn KNOW. This sorta thing used to be civilized, you'd hit a guy, he'd whack you, done. But with Benedict... at the end of this, he'd BETTER not know you're involved, not know your names or think you're dead because he'll kill ya, and then he'll go to work on ya.
Danny: That's why we're going to be very careful. Very precise.
Rusty: Yeah, and well-funded.
Reuben: Yeah. Ya gotta be NUTS, too. And you're gonna need a crew as NUTS as you are. [paues] So who've you got in mind?

Don, how did you come, by way of Australia?

Cosmo Brown

Christ. Seven years of college down the drain. Might as well join the fucking Peace Corps.


I never listen to you when you're being morbid.


My name's Forrest Gump. People call me Forrest Gump.

Forrest Gump

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