Pilot: I'd tell you to fasten your seatbelts, but it was too cheap to buy any! Ha ha ha!
Rick O'Connell: Ha ha ha! Why am I laughing?

We had a nice couple of minutes together. She threatened me, I patronized her. Didn't have anything to eat, but I thought there was a connection.

President Andrew Shepherd

Bob Falfa: Hey, you know a guy around here with a piss yellow deuce coupe, supposed to be hot stuff?
Terry Fields: You mean John Milner?
[Falfa nods slowly]
Terry Fields: Hey, nobody can beat him, man. He's got the fastest...
Bob Falfa: [cutting him off] I ain't nobody, dork! Right?
Terry Fields: [intimidated] Uh... right.
Bob Falfa: Hey, you see this Milner, you tell him I'm lookin' for him, huh? Tell him I aim to blow his ass right off the road.

Lou: "Hey, man, can I ask you a question? Does this seem like it's all about Adam again?"
Nick: "Yeah--just like Cincinnati."
Adam: "You're gonna bring that up?"
Lou: "We said we weren't gonna talk about Cincinnati ever, okay?"
Jacob: "Is this why you have that shoebox in your closet that says 'Cincinnati'?"
Adam: "Yeah."
Lou: "What?! That's f***in' admissible!"
Nick: "You keep it in the closet?!"
Adam: "What am I gonna f***in' do with it? You can't bury those things."
Nick: "You wrote 'Cincinnati' on it?!"
Adam: "How do I know which one it's supposed to be?!"
Jacob: " ... Is it a fetus?"

That's the last time, Bender. That the last time you ever make me look bad in front of those kids, you hear me? I make $31,000 a year and I have a home and I'm not about to throw it all away on some punk like you. But someday when you're outta here and you've forgotten all about this place and they've forgotten all about you, and you're wrapped up in your own pathetic life, I'm gonna be there. That's right. And I'm gonna kick the living shit out of you. I'm gonna knock your dick in the dirt.

Richard Vernon

Quint: Hey, Hoop, you wanna feel somethin' permanent? You just put your hand underneath my cap... and you just feel that little lump. Knock an ole un, St. Paddy's day, Boston.
Hooper: I got that beat.

Maxwell Smart: Oh gee, Maxie-man, I haven't heard that one before!
[pause]
Maxwell Smart: I never have heard that before, actually.

Indiana Jones: Who is your mother, again?
Mutt Williams: Mary, Mary Williams. You don't remember her?
Indiana Jones: There've been a lot of Marys, kid.
Mutt Williams: [draws switchblade] Hey! That's my mother you're talking about!

Are you guys ready? Let's roll! Come on, let's go!

Todd Beamer

Holly McClane: They told me there were terrorists at the airport.
John McClane: Yeah, I heard that too.

Foxxy Cleopatra: Hey. What's kickin', Basil?
Basil Exposition: A lot is kicking, Foxxy.

Seems to me, Cap'n, this mission is a serious misallocation of valuable military resources.

Private Jackson

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