What am I, fuckin' sandwich welfare? I think you should establish a good line of credit. Like how you bought your couch, payment plans. Remember how your mother brought in $10 everyday for a year and she finally got her couch Rent-A-Center Style?

Chuckie

If I'd known we were gonna cast our feelings into words, I'd've memorized the Song of Solomon.

Tom Reagan

E.B.: Fred, I am special.
Fred: We are all special.
E.B.: You are not getting it. I mean I am really special.

Y'see? You shouldn't have come here. I'm around that corner now. You've ruined it and it's lost completely. Just your needing me won't make it come back.

Ruth Popper

We were created as weapons, and we knew the world would never accept us... but one day, it would need us.

Leonardo

Come on Caleb. It's not like it's going to kill us. Yet.

Pogue Parry

You have the whitest white-part-of-the-eyes I've ever seen. Do you floss?

Topper Harley

SpongeBob SquarePants: We'll take one secret formula to go! Clear the area, citizens. There's gonna be some serious aft kicking here.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Sour Note!
Burger-Beard: No, wait, wait! Customers! No wait, please!

Allison Reynolds: I'll do anything sexual. I don't need a million dollars to do it either.
Claire Standish: You're lying.
Allison Reynolds: I already have. I've done just about everything there is except a few things that are illegal. I'm a nymphomaniac.
Claire Standish: Lie.
Brian Johnson: Are your parents aware of this?
Allison Reynolds: The only person I told was my shrink.
Andrew Clark: And what did he do when you told him?
Allison Reynolds: He nailed me.
Claire Standish: Very nice.

Bartender: The bar's closed.
Aileen: Then do you think you could pull that stick out of your ass? Hm? Now that "the bar's closed."

Bacon: What's that?
Samoan Joe's Barman: It's a cocktail. You asked for a cocktail.
Bacon: No. I asked you to give me a refreshing drink. I wasn't expecting a fucking rainforest! You could fall in love with an orangutan in that!
Samoan Joe's Barman: You want a pint, you go to the pub.
Bacon: I thought this was a pub!
Samoan Joes Barman: It's a Samoan pub.

If I rob Mulligan's pharmacy, are you going to ground me if I don't give you a piece of the action? If I go to Sam about you, will you have me whacked?

Jack Stall

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