You know what I got for Christmas this year? It was a banner fuckin' year at the old Bender family. I got a carton of cigarettes. The old man grabbed me and said "Hey. Smoke up Johnny."

John Bender

Mike: Roz, my tender, oozing blossom, you're looking fabulous today. Is that a new haircut? Tell me it's a new haircut. It's got to be a new haircut. New makeup? You had a lift? You had a tuck? You had something? Something has been inserted in in you that makes you look... Listen, I need a favor. Randall was working late last night out on the scare floor. I really need the key to the door he was using.
Roz: Well, isn't that nice? But guess what? You didn't turn in your paperwork last night.
Mike: He didn't... I... no paperwork?
Roz: This office is now closed.
Mike: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Hedley Lamarr: My mind is aglow with whirling, transient nodes of thought careening through a cosmic vapor of invention.
Taggart: Ditto.
Hedley Lamarr: "Ditto?" "Ditto," you provincial putz?

Food is fuel. You get picky about what you put in the tank, your engine is gonna die. Now shut up and eat your garbage.

Django

Rusty: I hope you were the Groom.
Danny: Ted Nugent called, he wants his shirt back.

Your team is like a heated mess so what once was a little messy is now ever messier.

Pieter

Wayne Campbell: I mean, there are two Darren Stevens, right? Dick York and Dick Sargeant. Yeah, right, as if we wouldn't notice. Oh hold on: Dick York, Dick Sergeant, Sergeant York... Wow, that's weird.

[after a shipwreck]
Beni: Hey, O'Connell! It looks to me like I've got all the horses!
Rick: Hey, Beni! Looks to me like you're on the wrong side of the river!

Susan Cooper: Where'd you get a suit?
Rick Ford: I fucking made it, didn't I?

Louis: You sure this is the right blind voodoo lady who lives in the boat in the tree in the bayou?
Ray: Pretty sure.

The heart is not like a box that gets filled up; it expands in size the more you love. I'm different from you. This doesn't make me love you any less. It actually makes me love even more.

Samantha

Darth Sidious: Commander Cody, the time has come. Execute Order 66.
Commander Cody: Yes, my Lord.

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