Ned, I would love to stay here and talk with you... but I'm not going to.

Phil

Eve Kendall: While I'm calling, you can change your clothes.
Roger Thornhill: Where do you propose I do that? In Marshall Field's window?
Eve Kendall: I sort of had the men's room in mind.
Roger Thornhill: Did you, know? You're the smartest girl I ever spent the night with on a train.

Ned: Phil? Phil Connors? Phil Connors, I thought that was you!
Phil: Hi, thanks for watching.
Ned: Hey now, don't you tell me you don't remember me 'cause I sure as heckfire remember you!
Phil: Not a chance.
Ned: Ned... Ryerson!

Well, hello there, Mr. Neff.

Building attendant

You could learn from this guy, Gaff. He's a goddamned one-man slaughterhouse, that's what he is. Four more to go!

Bryant

Since we been followin' your lead, we ain't got nothing but trouble.

Pete

Roland Tembo: Peter, if you want me to run your little camping trip, there are two conditions: first, I'm in charge, and when I'm not around, Dieter is. All you have to do is sign the checks, tell us we're doing a good job, and open your case of scotch when we have a good day. Second condition: my fee? You can keep it. All I want in return for my services is the right to hunt one of the tyrannosaurs. A male, a buck only. How and when is my business. Now if you don't like either of those conditions, you're on your own. So go ahead, set up base camp right here, or in a swamp, or in the middle of a Rex nest for all I care. But I've been on too many safaris with rich dentists to listen to any more suicidal ideas, OK?

Harry Burns: You were going to be a gymnast.
Sally Albright: A journalist.
Harry Burns: Right, that's what I said.

Earl Bassett: No way those things can outrun these horses!
Valentine McKee: Yeah, well, for all you know, they can fly.

Charlie Dillon: You know something? I'm still gonna get into Harvard. And in 10 years no one will remember any of this. But you'll still be a goddamn Jew.
David Green: And you'll still be a prick.

Because you insist on talking about Dad's bowel movements; size, color, frequency, I"LL CALL YA LATER!

Fletcher

Glen: I work at Burger King.
Gary: You want fries with that.

FREE Movie Newsletter