You know what I got for Christmas this year? It was a banner fuckin' year at the old Bender family. I got a carton of cigarettes. The old man grabbed me and said "Hey. Smoke up Johnny."

John Bender

Danny Butterman: Have you ever fired two guns whilst jumping through the air?
Nicholas Angel: No.
Danny Butterman: Have you ever fired one gun whilst jumping through the air?
Nicholas Angel: No.
Danny Butterman: Ever been in a high-speed pursuit?
Nicholas Angel: Yes, I have.
Danny Butterman: Have you ever fired a gun whilst in a high speed pursuit?
Nicholas Angel: No!

Peter Highman: "Number 2: if you're allergic to waffles, don't eat waffles!"
Ethan Tremblay: "Then don't take me to a waffle house!"

[paraphrasing Thomas Edison, about invention of light bulb] I didn't fail, I found 2,000 ways how not to make a light bulb; I only need to find one way to make it work.

Ben Gates

Chicks cannot hold their smoke, dat's what it is.

Brian Johnson

Hedley Lamarr: My mind is aglow with whirling, transient nodes of thought careening through a cosmic vapor of invention.
Taggart: Ditto.
Hedley Lamarr: "Ditto?" "Ditto," you provincial putz?

Oh, if they were Sean Jean sweatpants it would be no problem, but because they were Costco brand, it's the worst thing I could do.

Peter Bretter

Ed Rooney: What's the score?
Pizza Joint Owner: Nothin' nothin'.
Ed Rooney: [not really listening] Who's winning?
Pizza Joint Owner: The Bears.

Anakin: You love me? I thought we had decided not to fall in love. That we'd be forced to live a lie and that it would destroy our lives.
Padme: I think our lives are about to be destroyed anyway. I truly... deeply... love you and before we die I want you to know.

Darth Sidious: Commander Cody, the time has come. Execute Order 66.
Commander Cody: Yes, my Lord.

What's the point of owning a race car if you can't drive it?

Tony Stark

Like my uncle Les used to say, "When the money is gone, it's time to move on." So enjoy it, you secret handshaking assholes.

Worm

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