Bitter Customer: Cute cat. What's his name?
Randal Graves: Annoying customer.
Bitter Customer: [grabs pack of cigarettes] Fuckin' dickhead.

[paraphrasing Thomas Edison, about invention of light bulb] I didn't fail, I found 2,000 ways how not to make a light bulb; I only need to find one way to make it work.

Ben Gates

Mace Windu: In the name of the Galactic Senate of the Republic, you're under arrest, Chancellor.
Supreme Chancellor: Are you threatening me, Master Jedi?
Mace Windu: The senate will decide your fate.
Supreme Chancellor: [as Darth Sidious] I AM THE SENATE!

The man likes to play chess; let's get him some rocks.

Red

Sometimes, truth isn't good enough, sometimes people deserve more. Sometimes people deserve to have their faith rewarded.

Batman

Woodstock: What's the password?
Ace Ventura: New England clam chowder.
Woodstock: Is that the red or the white?
Ace Ventura: Ah, I can never remember that. White.
[Door opens]
Ace Ventura: Yes.

A promise tomorrow is worth a lot less than trying today.

Karen

Tyler Durden: [pointing at an emergency instruction manual on a plane] You know why they put oxygen masks on planes?
Narrator: So you can breath.
Tyler Durden: Oxygen gets you high. In a catastrophic emergency, you're taking giant panicked breaths. Suddenly you become euphoric, docile. You accept your fate. It's all right here. Emergency water landing - 600 miles an hour. Blank faces, calm as Hindu cows.
Narrator: That's, um... That's an interesting theory.

Everyone's like Cody this, Cody that. Cody's me bro, let me be me.

Cody Maverick

[Jane climbs a ladder]
Frank: Nice beaver!
Jane: [producing a stuffed beaver] Thank you. I just had it stuffed.

Ned Flanders: Thank you, Lord, for this bountiful...
Ned Flanders: [screams]
Ned Flanders: PENIS!
Rod Flanders, Todd Flanders: [devoutly] ... bountiful penis.
Todd Flanders: Amen.

Officer Palumbo: What kind of name is that anyhow? Kumar? What is that five o's or two u's?
Kumar: No, it's actually one "u"
Officer Palumbo: Yeah... bullshit.

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