If there is a war on drugs, then many of our family members are the enemy. And I don't know how you wage war on your own family.

Robert Wakefield

Bond: Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.
Q: That's putting it mildly, 007!

How much money did you give that guy? A wiseguy never pays for his drinks.

Lefty

Why do you have to point out how stupid everyone is all the time?

John

I'm on the board of my son's school, I have fundraisers for adult literacy at my own home. I think I have a right to know if my husband is a legitimate business man.

Helena Ayala

Shrek: Well it's no wonder you don't have any friends.
The Donkey: Wow, only a true friend would be that truely honest.

[about a previous hack] There was never any physical evidence I had anything to do with that... that... that wonderful piece of work.

Luther Stickell

[to Diaval] Into a dragon!

Maleficent

Warning. Assholes are closer than they appear.

Ace Ventura

Greg Focker: What's the sign for sour milk, 'cause this tastes a little... funky.
Jack Byrnes: That's because that's from Debbie's left breast, Greg.

Grace: It's weird. I woke up this morning and I swear my boobs felt bigger. Do they look bigger to you?
Bruce: Bigger?

If Milty Mingleton can shove himself into that weenie bikini, then you don't need to be shy about making your donations to the swim team.

Van Wilder

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