"When Alexander saw the breadth of his domain, he wept for there were no more worlds to conquer." The benefits of a classical education.

Hans Gruber

Bartleby Gaines: Why'd you get fired?
Glen: I got fired for making a shrimp slushy.
Bartleby Gaines: That's disgusting! Why would you do that pal?
Glen: 'Cause I was hungry and thirsty!

I swear, it's like I'm playin' cards with my brother's kids or somethin'. You nerve-wrackin' sons-a-bitches.

Johnny Tyler

Rosita: I was thinking later, you could kiss me on the veranda.
Dusty Bottoms: Lips would be fine.

Complaining Fan: Move that gigantic cotton candy!
Local Officer Rando: God dammit!
[hits man with cotton candy]
Local Officer Rando: How's the view from sugar heaven, bitch?

[after shooting Chad] What the fuck? I killed a spook.

Harry Pfarrer

Professor Snape: Which one of you can tell me the difference between an animagus and a werewolf?
[Hermione raises her hand]
Professor Snape: No-one? How disappointing.

A turkey stuffed inside a pizza, the whole thing deep-fried and dipped in chocolate.

Mayor Shelbourne

Chuck: Here's my phone number.
Dave Buznik: "You're gonna die, bitch."
Chuck: Oh, sorry. That's a letter I'm writing to Geraldo Rivera.

Here's to swimmin' with bow-legged women.

Quint

Bruce Wayne: I need a new suit.
Lucius Fox: Yes, three buttons is a little '90's, Mr. Wayne.

"I strenuously object?" Is that how it works? Hm? "Objection." "Overruled." "Oh, no, no, no. No, I STRENUOUSLY object." "Oh. Well, if you strenuously object then I should take some time to reconsider."

Lt. Weinberg

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