Marriage Counselor: On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate the happiness of your marriage?
Jane Smith: 8.
John Smith: Wait. Could you clarify? Is 10 the highest? 10 being perfectly happy and 1 being totally miserable or...
Marriage Counselor: Just respond instinctively.
John Smith: Ok. Ready?
Jane Smith, John Smith: 8.

Nun: You know something’s wrong. You always felt it. You parents never told you the truth.
Moses: What truth?
Nun: The year of your birth, there was a prophecy that our leader would be born to liberate us. That leader is you, Moses.

Jack Ryan: Have a little faith in people. Not God, cause he's just an imaginary friend for grown ups.
Frank Pizzarro: What the hell's that supposed to mean?
Jack Ryan: I don't know.

Dr. Buddy Rydell: Also, if you are unable to stop masturbating please, do so without the use of any pornographic images depicting quote, unquote 'angry sex.' That having been said, I'm a pretty good guy, and I think you'll be pleasantly surprised how much fun we can have together.
Dave Buznik: Geez, without slippy-flippy's or angry masturbating I don't see how that's possible.
Dr. Buddy Rydell: Sarcasm is anger's ugly cousin... from now on, unacceptable.

So why are there palm trees in Ireland?

Mr. Ryan

Plainview: You're not the chosen brother, Eli. It was Paul who was chosen. You see, he found me and told me about your land. You're just a fool.
Eli Sunday: Why are you talking about Paul? Don't say this to me.
Plainview: I did what your brother couldn't. I broke you and I beat you. It was Paul who told me about you. He's the prophet. He's the smart one. He knew what was there and he found me to take it out of the ground, and you know what the funny thing is? Listen... listen... listen... I paid him ten thousand dollars, cash in hand, just like that. He has his own company now. A prosperous little business. Three wells producing. Five thousand dollars a week.
[Eli cries]
Plainview: Stop crying, you sniveling ass! Stop your nonsense. You're just the afterbirth, Eli.
Eli Sunday: No...
Plainview: You slithered out of your mother's filth.
Eli Sunday: No.
Plainview: They should have put you in a glass jar on a mantlepiece. Where were you when Paul was suckling at your mother's teat? Where were you? Who was nursing you, poor Eli- one of Bandy's sows? That land has been had. Nothing you can do about it. It's gone. It's had. You lose.
Eli Sunday: If you would just take this lease, Daniel...
Plainview: Drainage! Drainage, Eli, you boy. Drained dry. I'm so sorry. Here, if you have a milkshake, and I have a milkshake, and I have a straw. There it is, that's a straw, you see? You watching?. And my straw reaches acroooooooss the room, and starts to drink your milkshake... I... drink... your... milkshake!
[sucking sound]
Plainview: I drink it up!
Eli Sunday: Don't bully me, Daniel!
[Daniel roars and throws Eli across the room]
Plainview: Did you think your song and dance and your superstition would help you, Eli? I am the Third Revelation! I am who the Lord has chosen!

Nicolette: He killed our man.
Conklin: What, in the apartment?
Nicolette: Yeah.
Conklin: Well, you got to clean that up.
Nicolette: No, I can't clean it up; there's a body in the streets.
Conklin: So?
Nicolette: There's police, this is Paris.

Ethan Tremblay: "Hold Sonny."
Peter Highman: "Nope! Hand me that dog and I will rip it in half!"

Clark Kent: Thanks for giving me my job back.
Perry White: Don't thank me. Thank Norm Parker for dying!
Jimmy Olsen: It was his time

Bruce Banner: I've got a problem. There are aspects of my personality that I can't control.
Dr. Samson: See a shrink.
Bruce Banner: It's a little more complicated than that.
Dr. Samson: Bruce. Trust me when I tell you, I've heard them all.
Bruce Banner: Not this one

Damn! We're in a tight spot!

Ulysses Everett McGill

Jay: What's twistin' this bitches tit?
Justice: Maybe it's because girls don't like to be called bitches, Jay.
Jay: They don't? How 'bout fine piece of ass?
Justice: How 'bout not.
Jay: Then what the fuck am I supposed to call you?
Justice: Something sweet, ya big goof. Something nice.
Jay: Boo boo kitty fuck?
Justice: That's... a start.

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