Had my dream again where I'm making love, and the Olympic judges are watching. I'd nailed the compulsories, so this is it, the finals. I got a 9.8 from the Canadians, a perfect 10 from the Americans, and my mother, disguised as an East German judge, gave me a 5.6. Must have been the dismount.

Harry Burns

A heh-heh-heh-heh.

Axel Foley

[reading from a review] This album begs the question "What day did the Lord create Spinal Tap, and couldn't head have rested on that day too?"

Marty DiBergi

Hey, you guys know Matty? I hung with him last night. Guy's the tits.


If we're caught, we're gonna hang... But there's many a slip twixt the cup and the lip.

William H. Bonney

[in the mail room] It's just like Santa's workshop! Except it smells like mushrooms... and everyone looks like they wanna hurt me.


There once was a time in this business when I had the eyes of the whole world! But that wasn't good enough for them, oh no! They had to have the ears of the whole world too. So they opened their big mouths and out came talk. Talk! TALK!

Norma Desmond

Nina Brewster: Do you know what it is when you trade sex for money?
Jackie Truman: Advertising!

Motorcycle Cop: Tell me, officer, do you have any idea how fast you were going?
Mike: Well, I got a 426 hemi here, 3/4 cams, nitro boosters, I can get 'er up to as good as 155! Never do, though, of course, unless I'm chasing a cute chick in a Ferrari! HAHAAHAHA! I guess I was goin' about... 65, tops.
Motorcycle Cop: SEVEN! SEVEN miles an hour! And normally, when I stop people, they pull onto the SHOULDER!

Santa's having some trouble getting the sled off the ground?

Fred Claus

Megamind: You can scream all you wish, Miss Ritchi, I'm afraid no one can hear you!... Uh, why isn't she screaming?
Minion: Miss Ritchi, if you don't mind...

Dr. Ian Malcolm: Did you find him?
Roland Tembo: Just the parts they didn't like.

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