Let us have pirates, clowns, and a happy ending, or we shall send you back to Stratford to your wife!

Philip Henslowe

Roy: Well, what's in it for you?
Lord Rathbone: Your looking at the future king of England.
Roy: You're, like, 20th line to the throne.
Lord Rathbone: 10th. But my friend here is about to change all that.

Sig Poliakoff: You're the wrong shape. Goodbye!
Joe: What are you looking for - hunchbacks or something?
Sig Poliakoff: It's not the backs that worry me.

Donkey: Okay, let me get this straight: you gonna go fight a dragon and rescue a princess just so Farquaad'll give you back your swamp, which you only don't have 'cos he filled it full of freaks in the first place, is that about right?

Colonel Brighton: He was the most extraordinary man I ever knew. Vicar at St. Paul's: Did you know him well? Colonel Brighton: I knew him. Vicar at St. Paul's: Well nil nisi bonum. But did he really deserve a place here?

Go... catch a chicken.

Baroness Rodmilla De Ghent

[referring to his gun] You go on, keep it. I'm never gonna use it again. I won't kill nobody no more. I ain't like you, Will...

The Schofield Kid

Tristan: I'm sorry, madam, but have you seen a fallen star anywhere?
[she laughs bitterly]
Tristan: No, really! We're in a crater - this must be where it fell!
Yvaine: Yeah, this is where it fell. Or, if you want to get really specific, up there is where this weird bloody necklace came and knocked it out of the heavens while it was minding it's own business. And over *there* is where it landed. And right here... this is where it got hit by a magical flying moron.
Tristan: You're the star? You're the star? Really. Oh wow. Sorry. I didn't expect you to be a... Well, may I just say that I am sorry.
Yvaine: Sorry for what?
Tristan: [puts the enchanted chain around her wrist] For this. See you're going to be a birthday gift for Victoria, my true love.

I'll tell you what I am - I'm the damn paterfamilias! You can't marry him!

Ulysses Everett McGill

Certain words and phrases just keep drifting through my mind, things like, incarceration, cavity search, death by electrocution, life in prison, shit like that, know what I'm sayin', so do I want to come out alive...

Louise Sawyer

Dr. Emmett Brown: I suppose Jane Wyman is the First Lady!
Marty McFly: Whoa! Wait! Doc!
Dr. Emmett Brown: And Jack Benny, the Secretary of the Treasury.
Marty McFly: Doc, You gotta listen to me.
Dr. Emmett Brown: I've had enough practical jokes for one evening. Good night, Future Boy!

Seriously, when was the last time you turned on the radio to listen to popular music? '70s, '80s?

Matt Farrell

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