Benjamin: Hey Rosie, am I doing anything right?
Rosie: You're handsomer than the other dads. Lots of them don't have hair. So that's good.

Indiana Jones: Who is your mother, again?
Mutt Williams: Mary, Mary Williams. You don't remember her?
Indiana Jones: There've been a lot of Marys, kid.
Mutt Williams: [draws switchblade] Hey! That's my mother you're talking about!

President Thomas Whitmore: What do you want us to do?
Captured Alien: Die. Die.

Who's ready to discharge?


Luke: Master Yoda, you can't die.
Yoda: Strong am I with the Force, but not that strong.

Gloria Clemente: Team mates can't hustle each other.
Rhonda Deane: Why not.
Gloria Clemente: It's not artistic.

Lucky for you... you're here for rock-bottom. You absolute horror of a human being.

Simon Bishop

[after Shaun hits zombie with butt of rifle] Why didn't you just shoot him?


Shaun: Mom, you know money can't buy happiness...
Cindy: Oh grow up, yes it can!
Shaun: But you and Dad have money and you're both miserable.
Cindy: ...He's miserable?

Mr. Rad: Okay, let's settle down. Let's settle down, now. Now, by round of applause, you decide who the baddest crew is tonight. Let's hear it for Vick's crew.
Mr. Rad: All right, let's hear it for David and Elgin's crew.
[louder cheers]
Mr. Rad: Well, well, well. Seems to me like the money in the hat goes to David and Elgin.

George Simmons: I'm surprised nothing happened with you and that girl.
Ira Wright: She told me she had a boyfriend.
George Simmons: She told me the same thing, when she was sucking my cock.

Gracie: Get off of me! I thought you were gay!
Neil Patrick Harris: I am for that!

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