Dan Evans: You're so sure that your crew's comin' to get you?
Byron McElroy: They're lost without him, like a pack of dogs without a master.
Ben Wade: Sure as God's vengeance, they're comin'.

Cardinal Roark: What the hell do you know...
Marv: I know it's pretty damn weird to eat people.

Elsa: You came back for the book?
Indiana Jones: My father didn't want it incinerated.

Wayne: Hi, uh we're here to see Handsome Dan. My name is Wayne Campbell
Bjergen Kjergen: Yah, I know. We've been expecting you, Vane Campbell. I am Bjergen Kjargen.
Wayne: Wow I love your accent, where are you from?
Bjergen Kjergen: I am from Sveden.
Wayne: Oh really? Whereabouts in Sweden?
Bjergen Kjergen: Kneurgen, near the Joergen Fjords.
Wayne: Well, nice to meet you, Bjergen Kjargen, from Kneurgen, near the Joergen Fjords. Hmm. Kneurgen, that's in the Klargen Province, near the Biburgen River.
Bjergen Kjergen: Yah hah.
Wayne: Now correct me if I'm wrong. Your annual rainfall varies from about 40 inches in the winter to about 200 inches in the summer, and your chief export is modular furniature. I did a report on Sweden in the eighth grade.
Bjergen Kjergen: Well I am impressed with your quest for knowledge. Educated men are rare.
Wayne: It was really hard, I stayed all night on it. Then the next day, in gym class I was on the minitramp and I got diarrhea. I really wish I hadn't told you that.

Larry Buckman: Is that Grandma?
Frank: Yeah, she's still alive.
Larry Buckman: Jeez Grandma, you got short.
Grandma: I'm shrinking!
Larry Buckman: Bummer!

Erica Barry: Wait. You're leaving, Zoe's leaving, the entourage is leaving. You mean I'm going to be alone in this house... with HIM?
Marin: Well, the hospital's sending over a nurse first thing in the morning.
Erica Barry: In the morning? That's like 19 hours from now!

Unlimited technology from the whole universe, and we cruise 'round in a Ford P.O.S.

Jay

Mordecai: Do you want to know my name?
LeeJohn: I don't just want to know your name, I want you to whisper it in my ear.
Mordecai: MORDECAI!

Listen, I know what I like, and I know you know what I like, because you were trained to know what I like, but I would like to know, what do you like?

Prince Akeem


Isis: Every time we get some, here y'all come trying to steal it, putting some blonde hair on it and calling it something different. We've had the best squad around for years, but no one's been able to see what we can do. But you better believe, all that's gonna change this year. I'm captain, and I guarantee you we'll make it to Nationals. So just hand over the tape you made tonight, we'll call it even for now.
Torrance Shipman: We don't have any tape.
Missy: Really. We just came to see the show.
Jenelope: What? Come on, Isis! Let me do this!
Isis: You know what? Let's go.
Jenelope: Wait a minute. So that's it? We're just gonna let them go?
Isis: Yeah. Because unlike them, we have class.
Torrance Shipman: I swear I had no idea.
Isis: Well, now you do.
Jenelope: Huh! You been touched by an angel, girl!

[during a fight scene with a bunch of Chinese men]
James Carter: [after accidentally punching Lee] Sorry, man!
Lee: Carter!
James Carter: All y'all look alike!

Drillbit Taylor: What do you teach?
English Teacher: English.
Drillbit Taylor: My native tongue.

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