We've been waiting here an hour. He's peed three times already.

Carl Showalter

Mary Boleyn: Mother, please! Speak to father... Do something... I don't want to go!
Lady Elizabeth: This is not a request. We have been summoned.
[gets up and leaves the room]
Mary Boleyn: [to Anne] Please don't be angry with me... You think I desired to go for this purpose?
Anne Boleyn: All I know is that a man who didn't know who you were was with you in that room for a half-hour and came out completely besotted!
[starts to leave]
Anne Boleyn: Don't know what you said or did!
Mary Boleyn: Nothing sister! Except sing your praises and talk about my husband.
Anne Boleyn: Really? Well, you must show me how you did that sometime!

The Grandson: Is this a kissing book?
Grandpa: Wait, just wait.
The Grandson: Well, when does it get good?
Grandpa: Keep your shirt on, and let me read.

Just keep it still back there lady or we're going to have to, you know, shoot you.

Carl Showalter

Love is the one thing that transcends time and space.


Pitka: I am his holyness, the Guru Pitka. My goal is to say: Gee, You are You... TM.

Bill Ubell: No, Captain! That's Cedric. He's a friend.
Steve Zissou: Merci, Cedric. Remind me, we'll send him a red cap and a Speedo.

Donny: What the fuck is this?!
Spa worker: It's water infused with cucumber, rose petal and harvest sandalwood.
Donny: Tastes like fucking dick infused with balls.

Zeus: Ain't no riddle gonna solve this motherfucker?
Simon: No riddle, no code, no fancy little countdown.

Great. I'm blind and you're deaf. What a perfect pair.


Terry: You know, I seen you a lot of times before. Remember parochial school out on Paluski Street? Seven, eight years ago. Your hair, you had your hair uh...
Edie: Braids.
Terry: Looked like a hunk of rope. And you had wires on your teeth and glasses and everything. You was really a mess.

I only act like I know everything.

Natasha Romanoff

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