Otto: Nice fish, Ken. You know what Nietzsche said about animals? "They were God's second blunder."
Ken: Well, you t-t-t-tell him from me that I kuh-kuh, I kuh-kuh...

Nick: We're all gonna' die, there's gonna' be huge crash!
Mechanic's Girlfriend: What? Have you lost your mind?

I feel a nightmare coming on...

A. J. MacInerney

George Hanson: What's "dude"? Is that like "dude ranch"?
Captain America: Dude means nice guy. Dude means a regular sort of person.

The magic is unsanitary!


First of all Rat, you never let on how much you like a girl. "Oh, Debbie. Hi." Two, you always call the shots. "Kiss me. You won't regret it." Now three, act like wherever you are, that's the place to be. "Isn't this great?" Four, when ordering food, you find out what she wants, then order for the both of you. It's a classy move. "Now, the lady will have the linguini and white clam sauce, and a Coke with no ice." And five, now this is the most important, Rat. When it comes down to making out, whenever possible, put on side one of Led Zeppelin IV.

Mike Damone

You lose, old man.
[Harry possessed by Lord Voldemort]

Lord Voldemort

We've been waiting here an hour. He's peed three times already.

Carl Showalter

[to Claire] What kind of diet doesn't allow tequila?


Jane: Do you like my new dress?
Fletcher: What ever takes the focus off your head!

Hallo Nicholas! Welcome to the president's car!


Tom Witzky: I never wanted to be famous. I just never expected to be so...
Maggie Witzky: What?
Tom Witzky: I don't know, ordinary.

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