Jake: [not recognizing Melanie in her sunglasses] Can I help you?
Melanie Carmichael: Well, for starters, you can get your stubborn ass down here and give me a divorce.
Jake: You're shittin' me, right?
Melanie Carmichael: I never fully understood that expression, but no, I am not "shitting" you.

Senator Mills: I support hydrogen cars...
Tom Dobbs: That's weird, because you're backed by oil companies.

D+?... Oh, my God... I passed! I passed! Oh, man! I got a D+! I'm gonna graduate! [hugs a stranger] I wish we'd known each other... this is a little awkward.


Dr. Buddy Rydell: Also, if you are unable to stop masturbating please, do so without the use of any pornographic images depicting quote, unquote 'angry sex.' That having been said, I'm a pretty good guy, and I think you'll be pleasantly surprised how much fun we can have together.
Dave Buznik: Geez, without slippy-flippy's or angry masturbating I don't see how that's possible.
Dr. Buddy Rydell: Sarcasm is anger's ugly cousin... from now on, unacceptable.

Otto: You know your problem? You don't like winners.
Archie: Winners?
Otto: Yeah. Winners.
Archie: Winners, like North Vietnam?
Otto: Shut up. We didn't lose Vietnam. It was a tie.
Archie: [going into a cowboy-like drawl] I'm tellin' ya baby, they kicked your little ass there. Boy, they whooped yer hide REAL GOOD.

You were the chosen one!

Obi-Wan Kenobi

I've just picked up a fault in the AE35 unit. It's going to go 100% failure in 72 hours.


Wardaddy: Why are you here? You're here to kill him. You know why he's here? He's here to kill you. He's here to kill you. He's here to rip your throat out, put a bullet in your… I'm trying to teach you something. Are you here to get me killed? Are you going to get me killed? I need you to perform. Just get it over with. Just get it over with.
Norman Ellison: I can't do it.
Wardaddy: Yes, you can. I know you can. He kills you or you kill him. It's simple math. You or him: pick.
Norman Ellison: Just kill me, kill me, kill me, kill me, kill me, please. I can't do it.

Welcome to Scotland!


I went to law school - I got a football scholarship!

Johnny Utah

[to Tommy DeVito and the other group members, after losing his virginity in a Chicago hotel room at Christmas] You were right. It is better with another person.

Bob Gaudio

My wife has an ass in her cock in the driveway, all right? I'm sorry if my thoughts are not on the photography of the film we're shooting tomorrow.

Little Bill

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