Carl Peterson: And this whole Lance Armstrong thing...
Dupree: You leave Lance out of this! He's doing more with one testicle than you and I could do with three!

Hold up your badge, so they'll know you're a policeman.

Dudley Smith

[narrating] Walt Whitman once said, "I see great things in baseball. It's our game, the American game. It will repair our losses and be a blessing to us." You could look it up.

Annie Savoy

Now you listen to me, I'm an advertising man, not a red herring. I've got a job, a secretary, a mother, two ex-wives and several bartenders that depend upon me, and I don't intend to disappoint them all by getting myself "slightly" killed.

Roger Thornhill

Steven Connolly: Can I smoke, Miss?
Sheba Hart: You can do what you want, but enough of this 'Miss'.
Steven Connolly: [laughs] Were you a model once?
Sheba Hart: [shakes her head]
Steven Connolly: Well you should've been. You're a right fit.
Sheba Hart: Gosh but don't I know it.
Steven Connolly: [smiles] You're into The Streets?
Sheba Hart: Mmm, no, my daughter is.
Steven Connolly: She the same age as me?
Sheba Hart: None of your beezwax.
[grinning]
Steven Connolly: [laughs] Well, anyway, the point is - you're fit.
Sheba Hart: So are you.
Steven Connolly: You're right. My sister thinks I look like a board with measles.
[pause as Sheba smiles and watches him]
Sheba Hart: You've done my brain in.

Dude, woman up!

Go Go

Eugene Kalb: Thanks for the Laker tickets.
Dan Foreman: You bet.
Eugene Kalb: Seats were terrific. But I'm still not going to advertise in the magazine. My son-in-law tells me that people don't read much any more. Too much effort moving eyes back and forth. So we're gonna put most of our budget into television, radio, internet.

Bud Brumder: What is that smell? What am I sitting in?
Cindy: Relax. It's just urine.
Bud Brumder: Oh.

Leon, somewhere in Libya right now, a janitor's working the night shift at Libyan Intelligence headquarters. He's going about doing his job... because he has no idea, in about an hour he's going to die in a massive explosion. He's just going about his job, because he has no idea that about an hour ago I gave an order to have him killed. You've just seen me do the least presidential thing I do.

President Andrew Shepherd

Indeed. The record shows that Captain Kirk once held the rank of Admiral. And that Admiral Kirk was broken for taking matters into his own hands in defiance of regulations of the law. Do you deny being demoted for these charges? DON'T WAIT FOR THE TRANSLATION. Answer me now.

General Chang

Agent 99: You lied about finding evidence of radioactivity
Agent 23: You conveniently killed Krstic before anyone could question him.
The Chief: And there's that little matter with you stoning my head with a fire extinguisher.
Maxwell Smart: I said I was sorry, you just didn't hear me because you were in a mini coma.

Christopher Columbus, Charles Lindbergh, and Neil Armstrong. Ha, ha, ha. Neil Armstrong!

Jim Lovell

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